Typico

Before I start on my rant (sort of?? Or is it a rave? I've heard them both used positively.), JOHNNY COME LATELY GOT IN THE TOP 20 ON AMERICA'S GOT TALENT! So did Fault Line, but the Redneck Tenors and the barbershop quartet didn't make it. Probably because the tenors were fat and the others were black. That show is so biased. There was this other guy who was fat and they didn't send him through. Only Marie was mad about that and I was kind of happy since I didn't think he was that good. The stay-at-home dad reggae singer made it. Shweet. Ew, so did the 14-year-old country singer. HATE HER! They couldn't give the 25-year-old her big break, they were just all, "Oh, bla bla bla, you're young, follow your dreams, and get raped and crushed by Hollywood! If you win, you'll be forgotten in 5 seconds, but go for it!" I wondered if she'd had to sleep with THE HOFF to get that result, but Mom said that was illegal. Yeah, Mom, but this is showbiz, and she's a no-talent country singer. Maybe I just hate country.
Why is "Sweet Sacrifice" like the best song on "The Open Door" and it's also the shortest.
I'm seeing a pattern here.
Of course, like ALWAYS, I managed to figure out "Miss Popularity" eventually after I screamed myself hoarse. Whoop dee doo. Turns out you needed the mouse. Which bothers me. Not the mouse thing, but I do have a bad temper. And all those that know me and are like, "Hahaha, you're so VIOLENT!" Yeah, but I that's not when I'm MAD. That's mostly just when I'm annoyed or joking around. But when I'm mad, I just yell at people. Really loud. So that's something I prayed about yesterday, cuz it's MESSED UP, but the "violence" will not stop. Hahahaha. Hahahaha. Screw you.
Wow. Um, moving on.
But speaking of "Miss Popularity", it did meet expectations: sappy, biased, all-white computer game, where the main character has an IQ of 10 and wears chic outfits, giiiirl.
Yeah. I'm going to summarize the WHOLE GAME so far, suckas. WHO'S LAUGHING NOW!!!???
I personally love how it opens. Your character (after choosing her hair. Yeah, they let you "customize" your character by choosing one of three hairstyles and one of 4 colors. Yaaaay.) is all, "*hip thrust* I'm waiting for my best friend to call. *hip thrust* We were supposed to get in touch." Yeah, and I named my character AMY LEE. I suppose I'm kind of obsessed. But I can't see Amy Lee doing a hip dance.
So I have to meet said best friend at park, where I describe my "dream boy" to her. You get to pick one of three personalities: The Sunny Boy (ooh, that sounds attractive...and possibly gay), The Rebel (SOOOO TEMPTING), or the Romantic.
Guess who I chose?
No, not the rebel. Because apparently musicians aren't rebellious. Just romantic. And they're not turned on by originality. They prefer romanticity. Is that even a weird?
So I go to school and am given three options of how to approach said dream boy (HAHAHA, his name is Jack White. I had him wearing leather pants for a while. It was pretty funny. But he's apparently not allowed to wear red, something the real Jack is all about. Oooh well. And his best friend's name is Meg, lol. Unfortunately, his best friend is a boy. Oops.): Delight (OMG, IT'S YOU! *drool*), Chewing gum (Only I didn't say anything. He was just all, "I FORGOT MY NOTES!" Escape route???), or Excuse ("Do I know you?").
Wouldn't running up to a guy you don't know and screaming, "OMG, IT'S YOU! SHE WAS RIGHT! YOU'RE REALLY HERE!" scare some people?
Most guys I know would be like, "Wth? Psycho..."
Actually, all the guys I know would be like, "AXE MURDERER!"
But yeah.
So I have to ask around and find out he practices in this club thingy most of the time.
But they won't let me go in there. Because my outfit doesn't say I am a musician.
MY BAD.
I can't help it that my character was given a gray shirt and brown jeans to start out with. NO LIE. So basically I'm poor.
And I bought this hat with the money I had (because they won't let you buy ANYTHING else until later levels, which is lame), but they didn't like that either. Bought new shoes...but no, wrong shoes. So I was trying to get all my skillz up (Education, because you need to be well educated to deliver newspapers. Yeah, sure. Music, because I'm going after a musician. Duh.), but I couldn't get my Romance up.
WHY? WHY WHY WHY?
Because I needed sexier clothes, that's why. And I'd bought the wrong hat. MY BAD.
So I bought this hideous headband and that convinced the bouncer I was musicianish enough. Then I had to lie to Jack's best friend (remember, his name is Meg. Okay, I had to lie to MEG.) that I was on a date with Jack, so he made me play guitar for him.
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PLAY GUITAR. Thank goodness it just involved hitting number keys 1-6. Then he was convinced. But Jack wasn't there to here my stellar playing, so I had to go the next day, after telling the bouncer the secret password (which was Groove Club? ??????). And Jack was so amazed by my skillz that he bought me ice cream.
Hoooow romantic. And I had to act like I knew a lot about music, which I sort of do, DO YOU NOT KNOW WHO MY FATHER IS YOUNG MAN, and he asked me to go to the disco with him.
Which mean a new outfit.
But my best friend sucks. She was all, "You need an original outfit, so I bought a bunch of clothes to enhance my originality." Yeah, so I spent $100 on new ORIGINAl clothes, and the bouncer was like, "I'm sorry, your outfit is not romantic enough." WHA? That's one I've never heard. Okay, thanks, pal, next time I'll remember to wear something lower cut.
Forget that you're underage. You're just not romantic AT ALL. So I had to run around doing neighborhood chores (like walk the dog that is basically dead. It's one scary looking dog.). The one good thing about the original clothes was it allowed me to paint an airbrush picture. Which gave me $28 in one sitting. Pretty shweet.
Let's review how realistic this game is: Everyone is white. All the girls are at most a size 7. The guys are mostly emo or skaters. There is the occasional fat guy, but he's always a nerd or a bouncer.
Oh, and parents are totally cool with fishnets, miniskirts, and tube tops. Especially if you wear all three together. They are SO COOL with that.
Yeah right. My parents would beat me to death with a stick.
Go to the disco. It's lame. People dance with hands on hips. Then Jack asks me to help him hand out invitations for lame orchestra concert.
NO ONE GOES TO ORCHESTRA CONCERTS! Family, maybe, and sometimes friends of the players, but no one in their right mind would go, "Hey, orchestra concert! Sweet, I'll go, since there's nothing to do but go the disco!"
Also, what's up with disco? Isn't that a British thing?
But Jack apparently forgot that conversation, as he went out with my best friend and BLEW ME OFF.
The game began to get more realistic.
Then MEG STARTS HITTING ON ME! WHAT IS UP WITH THE WORLD????
So I had to play dumb and be all, "Who you talking 'bout, baby?" when he was all, "There are nice guys ALL AROUND YOU. You just gotta OPEN YOUR EYES!" Riiight.
So I set him up with my best friend. Then I made up with her, AND Jack, and he invited me to his birthday party.
What? When did this happen? So I went and bought him a present: A leather music case. Girly, but he's probably going to love it.
I say probably because the stupid game won't let me give it to him. I have to buy a NEW OUTFIT first. Yeah.
So the neighborhood chores and clothes shopping continues. This should be fun.
To be continued...