Or so I thought.
Okay, so Winnie always answers these "horse e-mails" from people whose horses need help and she gets this one from "Topsy-Turvy-double-U" (OH MY GOSH! DUH! A topsy turvy W...wouldn't that be an M?)
So "Topsy-Turvy-Double-U" (even though we all know it's M; seriously, that's his real name.) is like (he wrote this little rap thing, but I can't remember due to not having the book at hand and Chance's raps messed me up for life, so I'll make something up as talented as his.),
Yo yo yo, my uncle's horse is through,
And I don't know what to do,
I wanna it save its life,
But I don't know how to...save it's life.
Yeah, couldn't think of anything that rhymed with life besides "strife", and that's the lamest rhyme ever.
So she's all, "BUY THAT HORSE AND SAVE IT!!!!!!!" cuz Winnie is a freak. And then she gets a reply from the SAME PERSON who's all, "Go to your pasture NOW! Merry Christmas."
Hmmmm, could he possibly have SAVED the horse in the previous e-mail and sent it on to her????
But nooooo... Winnie is like, "OMG, KNICKERS!!!!!" which is her white Arabian and runs all the way home, and is like, "KNICKERS! *sob*" But of course Knickers is fine. Because Winnie is an idiot.
| You are Totally Realistic |
 "Romance" means you're about to roll your eyes Seriously, you can do without the sap or drama Save it for someone who has nothing really going on in their relationship For you, love is real - and easily integrated into your life You don't need candles, flowers, or chocolates to know he's the one Just some stimulating conversation... and maybe a great smile. |
Just wanted to throw that in there... But the Barker family saw her running all crazy-like in their bus (don't ask) and the FOLLOWED HER HOME (which I guess is okay, seeing as they're responsible adults), but still... And she's all, "Someone played a prank on meeeee! *pout*" And then her friend Barker (his name's Eddy, but he likes dogs so much they call him BARKER! OOOOOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO! HOW SILLY! Killing myself now...) is like, "Um, Winnie, there's a horse in your pasture..." And Winnie's like, "For realz?" And of course there IS a horse in her backyard.
Right. Like she ran ALL the way home without noticing the old gray mare in her backyard. SOOOOOO realistic.
Or maybe she's THAT stupid.
| You Have Many Alpha Tendencies |
 You're not a total alpha female, but you certainly know how to - and like to - get your way. You're forceful without being intimidating. You're confident without being vain. A perfect mix. |
So she starts taking care of the horse when, 5 minutes later, her dad appears with his new girlfriend's son Mason (who is autistic for plot reasons and REALLY ADORABLE) and is like, "NO! Mason is not getting attached to another horse! This one will just leave him and he'll CRY!" (I always hate it in books when the divorced parent gets a bf/gf. I don't know why, but I end up hating that person forever unless they're really nice and the kid's a huge brat. But Madeline ((gf)) is this huge...hm, what can I say without cussing out an imaginary character? She's just annoying and Mason's all, "I LOOOOOVE horses!" and she's like, "Omg, horse attacks!" Grrr, I just REALLY hate her. And the Dad.) And then he tells Winnie to get rid of it or he's calling animal control. Oooooooh...
Only he's not allowed to...because the Gracie (the horse, even though you weren't supposed to NAME IT, Winnie!) is PREGNANT!
| Your Lucky Love Color is Black |
 When someone gets to know you, they still make feel a bit intimidated by you. You are alluring and sexy, but you have a dark, dangerous side that you don't hide. And just like your color suggests, you are sophisticated and wise - especially when it comes to men. Your heart is hard to win over. You don't fall in love easily... or often. |
That was a stupid quiz. It basically suggested I'm a Sith Lord. I prefer Dark Jedi. But I'm not wise OR sophisticated and the last part is SO OFFBASE IT'S FUNNY! HAHAHA! HAHAHA! I'll go cry in my corner now...
Anyways, Dad-from-hell and his slutty girlfriend are like, "All rightso, you can keeps the horse FO NOW!" even tho the vet said that Gracie and her baby are most likely going to die. What a hopeful, happy Christian book!
And so Winnie starts throwing away money, skipping school, and blowing off people to care for Gracie (and she's like, "Oh, I won't be able to buy anybody Christmas presents, but that's okay! Gracie deserves it!" and when she DOES feel guilty, she's all, "Please, God, give me more money. AND make me a better person." I'm learning SO MUCH. This is like reading Brio. >:P)
And Catman and his friend M start hanging around A LOT more, and M actually starts talking (apparently he doesn't talk unless he's making an earthshattering confessions ((more on that later)) or taking part in an abortion debate. Oh, and he loves talking about horses and Jesus.)
And Mason comes and is all REALLY ADORABLE, like, "I wanna see Towaco! Go Towaco!" And they describe him as really short and blonde with glasses and tiny cowboy boots (awwww), and his mom's like, "No, Mason, Towaco is gone. You'll have to deal." and then he's like, "No, I want to see the MOMMY Towaco." PWNED! PWNED! PWNED BY A LITTLE KID!
But Madeline makes sure they tell Mason "the truth" about Gracie: "I love the mommy horse." "That's cool, little M, but she's sick." "She's sick?" "Yeah." "Oh. I still love her." It brought a little tear to my eye....
| You Will Be an Unconventional Bride! |
 You're probably the type of girl who never considered getting married - until you met *him* You're not a big fan of white dresses, church weddings, or cheesy DJ's That's okay - you'll do it your way... whether that means a Vegas wedding or guys as bridesmen While you may not toss the bouquet (or have anyone to toss it to), it will still be the most romantic day of your life! |
Actually, I was thinking more black wedding dress and White Stripes or Fall Out Boy for when I walk up the aisle.
And on Christmas Eve, GRACIE GOES INTO LABOR! Shocker there... And so Winnie skips church AGAIN even tho she's been blowing off EVERYTHING to help Gracie, and then it goes wrong, and she and M deliver the baby single-handedly while everyone (after the service) watches on, and then Gracie dies.
Yep. She dies. So sad. :(
And that's when the vet comes in. "Merry Christmas, everyone. Oh, rats, a dead horse. Errr, don't touch it..." And NOBODY CRIES! Nobody thinks it's the LEAST bit sad about Gracie dying! And then Mason walks in (MADELINE MUST DIE) and is like, "Where's the mommy horse?" And no one tells him that she's DEAD, but then Winnie's like, "Um, this baby horse is YOURS!" And he squeals and starts dancing in his cowboy boots (I swear, I love this kid). And Madeline says all this crap about someday he'll understand, and he totally does already because he stopped talking to people for like 10 minutes until he got his surprise horsey present! (it just killed me to write that) Yay! And nobody is mad at Winnie forever.
Pat (life science teacher and boss): Oh, you can just make up your grade NEXT semester.
Everybody she promised presents: That horse delivery was the best present EVER!
Are you serious? That's REALLY disgusting...
I did cry tho. And the baby horse sounded ADORABLE. They haven't named her, yet.
Oh, and M WAS TOPSY-TURVY-DOUBLE-U! NO DUH, YOU MORON! And then she witnessed to him using her mom sacrificing herself for Lizzy from a wild stallion as a metaphor.
Winnie: Note to self: Never become a preacher.
Yeaaah, that's for sure.
Hey, look, everyone, I'm secretly sexy!
| Your Vibe Is Secretly Sexy |
 Sexy isn't exactly a word you'd use to describe yourself But you have a quite allure that certain men feel appealing You don't need to flaunt your stuff to be sexier A little more confidence in yourself, and you'll really light up a room! |
I have like a million more of these... Or just one. Yeah, just one.
Hey, my mom dyed my hair on Tuesday and it looks REALLY NOT BAD. LIke really good. There's just one spot where my bangs were blonde that you can kind of see, but it was the first time for both of us and it looks pretty sweet.
Hopefully today or some other day we're going to add purple streaks. Sweeet...
Hmmm, what kind of jeans am I? So curious.
| Skinny Jeans |
 You are classy and a bit formal when it comes to your personal style. Your look is feminine and well put together - and never trashy or too trendy. |
Right, because I wear skinny jeans ALL THE TIME.
My 4th of July wasn't too bad. I just read Ann Coulter and Winnie the Horse Gentler. And the fireworks were pretty sweet. But my cousin's girlfriend I don't think likes me. Or my family. Then again, I don't really blame her. And it's not like she knows us WELL. I got to cook hot dogs. Yesh.
2 comments:
Hello, this is matt wilson, I now have a blog as well, you are now on my list of alltime superheroes. just thought you might wanna know. lalalala. ok bye.
i love how you have all your personal information in your profile. I just don't want you to get like kidnapped and molested and what not.
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