I'm stepping through the door...

I'm sitting in a tin can, far above the world.
Though I'm past 100,000 miles, I'm feeling very skilled....
David Bowie.
Come on. Surely there's an unabridged version of "Les Miserables" out there somewhere.
My mom got the orginal Broadway cast soundtrack of the musical.
Hm. That sentence sounded suspicious.
Anyway...
I loved the book, until I found out it was abridged, and the music was beautiful.
Javert! Nooooooooooooo!
And Eponine.
Why?
She reminded me of Rebecca from "Ivanhoe" (another book I have yet to read, though my dad seems to be enjoying it).
But when we watched the movie, SHE was the one everyone was rooting for.
SHE was the one who actually DID something, rather than sit around pouting and looking Saxon.
SHE was GORGEOUS. Everytime you saw her, it was like, "Helloooooooo, Olivia Hussey!"
But no. He chooses shallow, petty, fugly Rowena.
Of course.
It just ticked me off.
And Eponine had a way better singing voice.
Josh disagrees with me about "Fiddler on the Roof".
He liked Perchyk, and considered him a "cool guy" who "told it like it was".
I thought he was a manipulative, controlling, selfish jerk who was supposedly so "giving" and didn't do anything for himself while he ruined everyone else's lives to suit his.
Grrr...
Gavroche!!!!!!! Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Beet down!!!

Ha ha, that's what my T-shirt says.
With a picture of a dead beet lying on the ground.
No one I know got it.
Which sort of defeats the entire purpose.
The seeds have sprouted! My boobs might actually exist, and are bigger verging on ginormous!
5 years of acne and awkwardness suddenly became worth it.
Probably none of you wanted to know that, and it's not really a thing you would put out on the internet for all the world to see (especially since my grandma reads this), but...yeah, can't really justify.
Still, don't expect any pictures of them any time soon, or anything like that.
"Moulin Rouge" is on Channel 10, so my brother is watching it secretly.
But if it's on a regular channel, they cut out half the movie, so how bad can it be?
Ugh, Nicole Kidman is kind of making me mad.
She has this weird quasi-British accent and her Australian accent keeps popping up, though she pretends it doesn't.
And her voice is nasally when they sing.
It ticks me off.
A lot.
But I just watched the "Elephant Love Medley" scene.
And that's really all I wanted to see.
We had an awesome team meeting today at church.
Following two really good sermons, and fueled by delicious lasagna, we made crafts, roleplayed some scenes regarding recruiting people for VBS, and talked about chivalry and whatnot.
Ben made it clear that he didn't think we were really slutty or "tuned into the culture", but that we should watch what we wear anyway.
And that guys should take the lead, be chivalrous, and watch out for us when we went out and knocked on doors, in case some axe murderer attacks us or something.
It just nice. They seemed to take it pretty seriously.
So now I'm pumped. We're leaving on the 15th. Should be great.

Every dotcom's refreshing for the Journal update

Harry Potter Personality Quiz by Pirate Monkeys Inc.

And they wonder why I'm paranoid...

Just typing away in my own little world while my dad plunks away on piano.
But he's not paying attention.
Now that we have all this glorious free time, he's been thinking up all these projects we can do.
House cleaning projects, not Girl Scout crafts or anything.
We cleaned the windows yesterday. Weeee...
It involved a lot of Windex and Brawny paper towels.
I miss the old Brawny guy. Have I ever said that? He was a real man.
But anyway.
I cleaned the insides and he cleaned the outsides.
There was a frustrating point where he gave me really vague instructions on how to do something involving the vacuum, so, after spending an agonizing five minutes trying to figure out how to put the hose on (I figured it out eventually, lol), I vacuumed up all the dust and dog hair on the window sill.
How dog hair got on the window sill is beyond me.
But that's what I thought he wanted me to do.
But, apparently, I HADN'T done what he'd wanted and suddenly he's at me with all these detailed instructions.
And I got mad because if he'd wanted me to do all that, why hadn't he told me in the first place?
But his response was, "Well, I'm telling you now."
But I thought it was a job well done, and now he's telling me I haven't done the job at all. This wouldn't have happened if you'd told me in the first place!
"But I'm telling you now."
Ugh.
It's strange that we can't seem to communicate, even though we're more alike than different.
Thankfully, David Bowie was playing in the background and brought peace to the situation.
Half-Priced Books is my new favorite store.
My mom and I went on Wednesday, and we walked in to find a mini-Powells, with huge stacks of books, CDs, and stationary everywhere. There were hundreds of movies in wooden shelves that stretched halfway across the store. There was a music section with tons of CDs, new and old. I found Elvis Costello, David Bowie, Morrissey, the Beatles, Fall Out Boy, Rod Stewart, Michael Jackson, and Billy Idol, but ended up buying only one CD.
The teen section had more books than Barnes and Noble.
That section alone was bigger than the entire Used Book Store in Silverdale.
Maybe not.
But I found tons of stuff.
I ended up getting Princess Diaries #7 (the only one I needed besides the pesky 1/2 and 3/4 novels); two of my favorite books, "Chasing Redbird" and "The Boyfriend List"; "The Mother Daughter Book Club", which had cutesy tween illustrations on the cover and looked distracting; and David Bowie's "Changes"; and half a dozen books for my mom, all for only $32.
How amazing is that???
I haven't been this exciting since visiting Tacoma's Borders Books, where I bought two books for $7 each.
Borders is amazing...
...but Half-Priced Books is even better, I must say.
"Changes" is my new favorite song. Well, that and "Heroes". And "Diamond Dogs". And "Fame".
Ugh, my brother's friend is here and they're being irritating and pre-teen-y.
He was playing with Hillary, my Darth Sidious doll (long story).
Just playing around like it was totally okay.
It was not okay.
But I just kept my mouth shut and made grilled cheese.
It was a pretty delicious sandwich, too.

Because you know it's true

You Are Jan Brady

Brainy and a little introverted, you tend to think life is a lot worse than it actually is. And while you may think you're a little goofy looking, most people consider you to be a major babe.

What Brady Are You?

Wow....that sums up my entire life.
Except for the babe part.
Because I'm obsessed, I found a Harry Potter quiz on e lockhart's blog (THE NEW ROO BOOK IS COMING OUT SOON!!) and went to take it, only to find out it was the Meyers-Briggs personality test, but each result corresponded to a different character in the series. Most of the primary characters were there and it was enlightening and explained a lot of things about each of the characters and it was one of those things that nerds like me get off on.
And, according to personalitypage.com, a person's "natural mate" is a person whose personality type who's two middle letters are the same as your own, but the outer two are opposite.
For example: ESFJ's "natural mate" would be ISFP.
So, being a nerd, I took the results from the Harry Potter quiz and paired up the characters who seem to be made for each other.
And, of course, none of these characters got together in the books, because of age, sexuality, and morals (um, yeah, Voldemort)?
But it was still kind of cool.
For instance, Hermione's soul mate is Draco Malfoy.
Mwahaha.
ISTJ+ESTP = Hermione Granger + Draco Malfoy
ISFP+ESFJ = Harry Potter + Molly Weasley
INFP+ENFJ = Remus Lupin + Olympe Maxime
INTP+ENTJ = Voldemort + Minerva McGonagall
ISTP+ESTJ = Madam Hooch + Percy Weasley
INFJ+ENFP = Albus Dumbledore + Fred/George Weasley
INTJ+ENTP = (this is a good one) Severus Snape + Sirius Black
ISFJ+ESFP = Rubeus Hagrid + Ronald Weasley
So yeah. I just thought it was kind of cool. Because personality doesn't necessarily determine who you'll get along with, but it sort of explains why Mrs. Weasley considered Harry a part of the family. And why Dumbledore turned a blind eye to Fred and George's tricks.
But not why Severus and Sirius hate each other.
But we knew that already.
Farah Fawcett died today.
So did Michael Jackson.
On 20/20, they kept bringing up his many allegations of child molesting.
Or maybe it's not that many. But it's been more than once.
And Barbara Walters or one of the many blonde-helmeted news people asked him if he'd ever sexually "abused" a child, and he said, "Never, never, I would NEVER harm a child."
Yeah, but....
....a lot of child molestors don't think they're "hurting" the child at all.
It's weird, and messed up, and it doesn't justify what they do, but that's how they think.
So he wasn't guilty either time (he might have been once? I don't know)...but it makes you wonder if he was.
I don't know. I was just thinking about it.
And it made me sort of sad for him. Because his early life had sucked. A bunch.
But that's like saying, "Oh, that guy had a hard life. It's totally cool if he abuses his horse."
That was in a book, by the way. I didn't just randomly pull that out of the air.
But it wouldn't be any less weird if I had.

Prostitute? You mean courtesan!

I finally saw "Moulin Rouge", and sort of understood why everyone was (and probably still is) obsessed with it.
Sort of.
The first part of the movie sucks.
It's a blur of crappy camera work, modern music (Nirvana? Really?), and crotch shots.
And John Leguizamo.
After listening to him whine as a semi-retarded sloth and a wannbe drag queen, I never want to see him in another movie ever again.
And yet, there he was, in all his mystical, drug-addicted, midgety glory.
Then Nicole Kidman was rolling around on the floor, pretending to have an orgasm, while Ewan McGregor decided to make the situation better by singing.
But it got a lot better.
Well, after they slogged through a ridiculous performance of "Like A Virgin".
"El Tango de Roxanne" was brilliant, with all the interwoven songs, and Christian's angst, and the Argentinian giving Sting a run for his money. The choreography was great, and the way the Duke shamed Satine was tragic, inevitable, and hard to watch, but also beautiful, in a sick way.
Zidler was hard to figure out. At first, he's sort of a bumbling, stupid pimp, then he's this selfish idiot, but he really cares for Satine and he somewhat selfishly decides not to tell her that she's dying until he needs some really good blackmail, but still loves and wants her happy, even though he knows real life won't let her be.
"The Show Must Go On" killed me. It was really hopeless and all these bohemians, prostitutes, actors, etc., who act as though their jobs and lifestyles are everything, really having nothing to live for and see life as this bleak, pointless thing, but that's how it must be and the show must go on.
One of the other dancers (courtesans, whatever), Chocolat, was my favorite. He saved Satine from being raped, and, throughout the movie, he understood everything she was going through. She fell in love, but of course couldn't afford to; it wasn't part of the job. She became sick with TB; the show must go on. She had to sleep with the Duke in order to finance the show and further her career; it's all part of the job. Through everything, he understood and "The Show Must Go On" also applied to him, because, really, what did he have to live for?
It made me wonder if he was one of the "disgusting" far out of the closet gays back in the day who was so despised that he had to go "underground" to Montmartre and the Moulin Rouge, yet had to sleep with the same people who hated him in order to make a living.
Sad stuff.
My mom compared it a lot to "Rent", because it borrowed themes from "La Boheme", but it also talked about immoral people from "the other side" who take a page from Ecclesiastes and proclaimed everything in life meaningless.
But I felt that "Rent"'s ending had some hope. Mimi had a near-death experience, but survived. She and her group of friends now needed each other more than ever and continued to live in the moment until their last breaths, thankful that they could live just a little bit longer.
"Moulin Rouge" had no hope. Satine dies, leaving the show (and Christian) without a leading lady. Christian chronicles their tale, a year later, and says that their love will last forever, but it doesn't sound as though he believes it, and, seeing as TB was SUPER contagious, he will most likely contract it and die pretty soon anyway. How depressing is that?
But yeah, great movie. Not perfect, but really good.
Emotionally traumatizing, orgasms and all.
Now if only I could figure out which soundtrack to buy.
Surely not both?

Can you blame me for wanting a super monkey?

He's fast! He's strong! He'll pop all your bloons!
School finally let out on Thursday. Classes were only 27 minutes long, but each class was the longest 27 minutes of my life.
And I wore a skirt for the first time in 2 or 3 years. I was girling it up. Flaunting it. All that good stuff.
Then we went to Dairy Queen and I got the crappiest dipped cone I'd ever seen.
It was like a mountain rather than a triumphant curlicue. And not a beautiful mountain. If there is such a thing.
And it tasted like a melancholy cloud.
It would've been poetic if it hadn't been so disgusting.
GROSS!
And the weather has kind of sucked since then. It was like, "Woooo, Summer Break!!!" And yet there are clouds in the sky, it's down to 50 degrees, and it rained today.
Fun.
I hate it here.
But we went to Seattle for the Mariners game, which made me love Washington again.
I know. We have a complicated relationship.
My dad and I sat right behind home plate, and talked about music ("Do you like Candlebox Twenty?" "....") while eating delicious pizza and full-fat ice cream.
Yeah, I'll be honest; I only got to baseball games for the food.
But I managed to pay attention...and we won! So that was nice.
The helmet cups were overrated. It's $7 for a helmet full of ice cream, and you say to yourself, "A whole HELMET? With whipped cream? $7? BRING IT ON!" So you troop over to the ice cream stand and wait in line forever, all while chanting and psyching yourself up for a whole HELMETFUL of ICE CREAM! It's 7-year-old Bill Cosby's dream-come-true. So you get up there and fork over 7 bucks and choose from a grand total of 3 flavors...and then they bring out the helmet.
It's tiny.
It's smaller than the $5 cups they use for ice cream.
It's a rip off.
But it's so darn cute!

When you think about it...

...Nair is sort of disgusting.
It does awful, awful things to your bodily hair.
When you feel the hair in question, it's awful and stringy and disgusting.
But that's after not shaving for a while.
It keeps the hair away longer! Yay!
Enough about that. I probably shouldn't be telling you that.
Ahem.
The crazy cheerleader that made me so angry yesterday is once again sending confusing signals.
But what else is new?
Soooooo one day she's insulting me, and the next she's trying to engage in stimulating conversation?
Or throwing herself at the guy I like for weeks at a time, then joking around with me and ignoring him for three days in a row?
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME??????????????
I doubt her intention is to make my life hell.
At least not all the time.
But it's so weird. I can't figure her out.
And there are days when I'm bipolar like that, too, so I can sort of understanding, but still...?
Confused.
The oral book reports continued today.
I was really surprised by the one this one kid gave.
He did it on Laurie Halse Anderson's "Speak", which was a good book, but he didn't just like it, but it seemed like it really affected him.
And he was super honest in answering the questions about how he related to the main character and how he felt for her and you could tell me meant all of it.
It was really cool, because I'd never seen that part of him before.
He might be an ENFJ. Hm.
But, when reading up on personality types on this amazing website, they mentioned that everyone is different. Even a group of 20 ISTJs are completely different people, even though they might think or act similarly in certain situations.
So it helped remind me not to prejudge or go off on another rant about Sensors vs. Intuitives or Judgers vs. Perceivers.
Even when someone was asked WHY men abuse women, and someone answered with WHAT men do to women.
Because they gave the WHAT information, it was assumed they'd also covered WHY.
And the Intuitives in the room freaked out. Myself included.
It's part of dealing with people, I guess.
Phew. Sophomore's almost done. 4 more days. Then a whole summer of missions, sun, and working on people skills.
And teambuilding, now that you mention it.
Hm. Our team better start planning soon. And drama! The meeting's in two days! Memorize script!
AND FINALS ARE NEXT WEEK.
Phew.

Angry body language means she WANTS to be flirted with!

Yes, that what it means.
Not.
DO NOT TOUCH ME.
Argh. One of those days that kept flipflopping. There were really good moments, followed by really frustrating moments.
We had to give an oral book report today, where, following a brief overview of the book, we'd answer the questions he gave us.
Of course, not thinking clearly, I chose "Middlesex" by Jeffrey Eugenides.
I had, after all, spent four hours finishing it the night before, and, though not perfect, was a great book.
And, yes, it was about a hermaphrodite.
That was probably my first mistake.
But the book report went fine. Yeah, some people freaked out because a hermaphrodite has *gasp* a penis AND a vagina! And the oh-so-subtle guys in the back were making fun of me the entire time.
But my friends thought it was cool, albeit freakish, a couple people asked questions, and Mr. Rosendale had read the book before and didn't give me any crap, so that helped.
And I honestly didn't care what they thought anyway.
Okay, I sort of cared.
But, then again, if I'd REALLY cared, I would have done a different book.
When I was finished, however, one of my least favorite people commented loudly, either too stupid to remember that I was a few feet away (understandable, she is a cheerleader), or bitchy enough to say this (strongly, STRONGLY leaning towards the latter), made the remark that I must read books like this because they make me feel better about myself.
-_- And a girl who called herself my friend thought this was hilarious. She laughed. Which felt great.
And whenever people make comments like this, people are quick to assure you that that person is just JEALOUS, and obviously so insecure that she has to take it out on someone like you.
That doesn't erase what she said, however.
And I feel all mad and self-righteous, and, "Oh well, at least I know HOW to read," and stupid, smart-kid comebacks keep popping up in my head.
Because of course I can't think of anything better.
And even though I say all that, I don't mean it, which I find unfair. I've NEVER had to refer to the stupid popularity dichotomy and though cheerleaders do tend to be idiots, I don't bury myself in clothes from Hot Topic and emo music so I can make fun of their stupidity and conformity like some (I do that in regular clothes).
But when she said that, it put me in that "Us vs. Them" mindset, where I thought because she's popular she thinks she's entitled to look down on "us nerds".
I really thought that.
And, speaking of stereotypes, I AM a nerd. I rely way too much on my "brains" and look down on "stupid people" and am not always the nicest person to be around. So even though she said that thing about me, I say things about her (though not always outloud, or at least not PUBLIC), so the only reason I'm mad is because I'M jealous of HER.
Which isn't fair but is sort of true.
Aaagh it's so complicated, yet simple, and contradictory, and for these reasons I hate high school girls, but I find this really depressing because that makes me the angsty, unpopular emo chick instead of the nice, well-rounded, not-bitchy, interesting I'd like to be.
And the so-called "balance" between the two isn't a great mixture.
So all that crap I just typed means nothing. I just had to vent.
I did see "Up" yesterday, which made me cry, but was also fantastic. Pixar's best movie, and way better than anything Dreamworks has ever done.
But I'll focus on that when I'm done pouting.
For now, I'll just listen to music and/or Tyler telling me how overdramatic I'm being and how I took what she said completely out of context. Sounds like a fun afternoon.

CLOSURE CLOSURE CLOSURE

One of the fantastic differences between Judgers and Perceivers: Judgers need closure and if they don't have it they will hyperventilate and die. Perceivers really DON'T CARE.
Which is what happened when my mom asked if I would like to get together with my friend this afternoon, and I mistakenly said yes.
BOOM! Now there are all sorts of decisions to be made! What time should this take place? What are you going to do? Would this require transportation? Do you need money? Do either of you like cheesecake? Would she like to stay for dinner? CALL HER.
I just got home. I'd rather be a good introverted perceiver and recharge from all my socializing while pretending decisions don't need to be made and deadlines don't exist.
Anyway. That was kind of the theme of "Spectacular!":
Selfish ISFP wannabe rockstar is kicked out of his own band, and strikes a deal with desperate ESTJ show choir leader: if he agrees to be their male soloist and helps them win at Nationals, she will give him half the prize money (which he will then use to pay for his own demo).
It was terribly acted and had a cheesy plot riddled with cliches.
And it was a musical.
In other words: fabulous.
Nickelodeon does better movies because, unlike Disney, they don't consider "butt" a cussword and have the female lead make witty comments about the villain's weight.
Tee hee.
The morals weren't all that positive, though. Screw authority! Do what you want to do! Blame corporate America! Judgers are tightwads who always need a schedule! Be a Perceiver and go with the flooooooow!
Fun times.
I finished "Every Young Woman's Battle".
Yay! A Christian book that doesn't shy away from sex or insist on telling stupid allegories about sexual purity!
They got fairly graphic, but only a little bit. And they made good points, but didn't condemn those who'd had sex before. They ALSO (thank God) didn't act all condescending and imply that the "sinners" were forgiven, but God would always remember the nasty, dirty, rotten little tarty things they'd done before.
*cough* Christy Miller *cough*
The author herself had had sort of a bad past, and she said, "I'm telling you this because I wish I'd known." But she's married with two kids and finally happy, and she's trying to show girls that they can be happy, too, rather than sneering self-righteously at them and telling that, even though he SHOULDN'T, God would "forgive" you.
*cough* Pastor Jim *cough*
The last few chapters were cool, too. It talked about marriage, Christian guys' perspective on girls, and true love, which, surprisingly, ISN'T A FEELING. That explains a lot. When I was reading it, I was looking at the things it said about "relationships" (still hate that word) and what you need to have to be ready for one, and I'm not even close, so I'm putting my purity ring to good use and am not going to date. I lost two really good guy friends by trying to rush into Coupledom, so I'm going to spare myself the drama and focus on my relationship with God instead.
Which sounds just as self-righteous and condescending as the people I described.
But I don't mind.
As long as I don't grow up to be Christy Miller.
"God is awesome. OMG TODD! God who?"

Venting, venting, one, two three

Awesome. So I'm a terrible friend.
Because I get a ride home with my neighbor ONCE IN A WHILE, not every day, but when she does pick me up, it's like I have to race in order to guarantee my spot.
Because my other friend wants a ride.
Even though she lives 10 minutes out of the way, while I live across the street from my neighbor, so she's acting like winner gets a ride home when IT'S MY RIDE. NO ONE SAID YOU COULD GET A RIDE HOME.
But unless they say, "Get out of the car, you moron," she doesn't get out. And they feel bad for making her get out. I mean, it's not her fault....
Ugh. It didn't make me so mad before, because I don't mind walking, but when I'm expecting a ride home from school and all my friends have ALREADY LEFT and I want to play with the BABIES on my nice, restful RIDE HOME, it's frustrating to have my friend go, "So sad. I got here first. Have a nice walk!"
Today, she handed me a stack of CDs she'd borrowed from me (at least 15 of them), and said, "Yeah, it sucks that you'll have to carry those home. While you walk, I mean."
!!!!!!!!!!
And she offered to walk home with me to "help" carry them....
....but she didn't offer to give up her nice, comfy seat in the car, now, did she?
And apparently she's mad at me, so she feels good about taking my seat.
But whenever we hang out she acts like everything's fine.
Whatever. I'll just ride with my mom and/or walk until the end of the school yaer.
Thankfully I won't have to deal with it next year.
Sorry. It's just been irritating me all day, that she's been doing this, but whenever I show up at the car first, she CRIES. Okay, not in front of me, but she feels like crap. And she tells her mom. Who calls my mom.
Which is ridiculous.
So I'm the villain here. It's all my fault. Bad Lauren.
13 more days!
Awards ceremony!
CK graduation?
Can't go to that, even if I wanted to.
Soren's leaving. :(
Rosey's retiring. :(
"Bless Me Ultima" sucks, as does "Swing Kids".
Some stupid kids FREAKED OUT while we were watching "Swing Kids" today, because they commented on Count Basie's music, and how the Count was a "negro".
All 12 of them, NOT ONE OF THEM BLACK, kept saying, "Awwww man, that's JACKED UP!! How could they say that? That is SO MESSED UP! I can't believe they SAID THAT. It's a DISNEY movie!"
Hello? That's what they said back then!
And it's not like they said the other n-word, or "colored", or "coon", or anything like that!
And it was all the Filipino kids saying this. The black kids didn't CARE!
Oversensitive much?
Ha ha ha. I'm going to sign that petition. Because David Bose told me to.
Everything but marriage!