Just like...blah.

It's been a weird day.
I found out my friend's dad died last week.
I haven't seen her in a while, and we all knew it was going to happen, but I just found out about it this morning.
But from what I hear, she seems fine.
Well, she's SAD.
But it's not as though her dad just died.
And I know it's a front, and I haven't exactly "been there" for her through all this, but she's sort of closed herself off from everyone except for a select few.
So she's sad, it sucks, but there's nothing I can do about it.
My dad told me that when a guy likes a girl, he often has a backup.
I mean, if you set your sights on one girl alone and she rejects you, well, that would hurt.
So always have a Plan B!
It sounds sort of terrible, but it struck me as funny when he said it.
I don't know. I suppose it might have crushed me a while ago.
It explains some things.
But I don't feel like complaining about how "jacked up" boy culture is.
Girls are just as bad, something Women's Studies does a very good job of pointing out, though that's not Mrs. Taylor's objective.
So I'm gonna get my life together in the mean time.
Focus on the stuff that's actually important.
According to Matthew 6:25-34, everything God has planned will happen when he wants it to, when I seek first his kingdom.
I was thinking on the bus ride home about how weird it is that so many seniors will be leaving youth group at the end of the year, after I JUST go to know them.
Then it will be time for me, and then COLLEGE.
And WSU seems too isolated, but UW and OC are not places I could EVER see myself, and, though I love Colorado, every time I think of leaving home I start to puke.
It turned into this huge worryfest, but my mom managed to talk me through it.
Because God HAS A PLAN FOR ME, one to give me a hope and a future.
And what he has is SO MUCH BETTER than anything I could ever dream of.
And he'll put me at the best possible college. But we're not at that part of the journey yet. I've still got 2 years. And they'll be good ones.

Who knew Yelm could be so INTENSE?

Refuel was COMPLETELY different from last year.
In a good way.
It was great. Seriously the highlight of my year. GREAT WEEKEND.
They mixed up the cabins this year instead of having cabins for each grade.
A little disappointing, because I'd sort of been looking forward to rooming with some of my friends.
But I did get some people I knew in my cabin, and some I didn't, and the ones I didn't know were pretty cool.
Aaaaaaah, freshmen.
As much as I hate junior high boys, Buck Buck was amazing to watch. There was some talk of playing it on the bus ride home, but we opted for the safe choice, Zoo.
Those junior high boys, though, are SO ANNOYING! There was one in particular that needs to be whipped. It shouldn't be too difficult, he's roughly the size of a terrier.
The whole thing was just fun and crazy and super positive. It was nice actually feeling like I belonged. Last year I made a huge big deal about not knowing anybody and yet not making an effort to know anyone, but this year wasn't like that at all. It felt like the body of Christ SHOULD feel like.
Pastor Paul might just be my new best friend, even though he SERIOUSLY considers Hulk to be a better superhero than Batman.
BATMAN.
His point had to do with his lesson, though, which pointed out that GOD is the one who gives us power (SUPER powers! It was superhero themed, ha), and Batman didn't have powers; he just had money, charisma, and Morgan Freeman.
And Batman doesn't care who he is; he is purely focused on his actions.
With REAL power, there is rest and peace, and he has none of that.
It was a great sermon and it made a lot of sense to a lot of people.
Everyone went up afterwards to thank him for successfully explaining a seldom taught Bible topic.
BUT THE HULK IS NOT A SUPERHERO.
He's a loser with anger issues that just happens to be mightily powerful...and oh so green.
While, you know, Batman's out DOING EVERYTHING HE CAN TO PROTECT THE CITY OF GOTHAM, RISKING HIS LIFE IN THE PROCESS.
Hulk just crushes stuff. And sometimes sleeps with Liv Tyler. Mmmmm...
It was just great. Paul kept emphasizing that we can't CHANGE on our own, the exact OPPOSITE I'd been hearing at OEFC, where it was always, "YOU NEED TO CHANGE."
GOD is the ONLY ONE that can change us. We just have to let him.
And my favorite verse, Philippians 4:13, was sort of this weekend's motto.
But the emphasis was on the latter part.
"I can do all things THROUGH CHRIST who gives me strength."
Then we had an hour long worship session, with some people singing while others wrote letters, postcards, and junk they'd been through.
Then they put the junk in a giant trash can and Ben set it on fire.
But it was less than satisfying.
It didn't explode into a wild conflagration.
It just sizzled a little bit.
Oh well.
Even after Stateside, I didn't feel this good.
God is real, the true power source, and I'm going to live for him.

Clear nailpolish: more dangerous than you would think!

I'm officially addicted to the "Moulin Rouge" soundtrack.
My keyboard isn't working properly. Too irritating.
But seriously.
David Bowie is always great, but I love the song "Nature Boy" and he managed to blow me away twice.
"Because We Can" gets stuck in my head way too often.
I honestly can't remember "Children of the Revolution", and I don't think "Rhythm of the Night" was there, either.
But "Elephant Love Medley" is cheesy goodness.
And "Roxanne" kills me every time.
So does "Hindi Sad Diamonds", come to think of it.
"The Show Must Go On" was really a perfect song choice. It's the perfect song in general.
Besides "Mr. Brightside". And "(If You're Wondering) I Want You To" by Weezer.
I really want the second soundtrack, but there's been a mishap.
I might get it in the mail after Refuel.
"We're creatures of the underworld. We can't afford to fall in love."
:(
Not SUPER looking forward to Refuel tomorrow.
But I am a little bit excited. I mean, it will be fun.
I'll be hanging out with my brother the entire time, but hey!
And the cabin situation will DEFINITELY be better than last year.
Yeah. Just been tired and sick all week. Not much going on.

You can take that Occupational credit and shove it up your...

I've had my retainers for more than a year.
They told me the longest I would have my retainers for was a year.
Apparently they lied.
I went to my appointment today thinking I'd FINALLY get my retainers OFF.
Then the stupid dental assistant sits down and starts talking about how I'll never have to make any more appointments with them.
Ever. Again.
So I started to perk up a little bit.
Then she went on to say that I should continue wearing my retainers for the rest of my life.
Or, as she jokingly put, until I no longer want straight teeth!
Ha! Ha! Ha.
What?
Yep. I have to wear my retainers FOREVER.
Does this mean my orthodontist was INCOMPETENT?
"We couldn't PERMANENTLY straighten your teeth, but we came pretty darn close, now, didn't we?" *flashes brilliant smile*
I didn't realize teeth were a lifetime commitment.
I mean, sure, you have to brush them and floss them and whatnot.
But that's just basic hygiene. It would be gross, not to mention UNHEALTHY, if you didn't take care of your teeth.
But there was no REAL reason for me to get braces in the first place, besides the fact that my teeth were crooked.
I wouldn't have DIED because of them. I could chew JUST FINE.
My parents made me get braces anyway.
It's so stupid! It's just about looks!
Straight teeth wouldn't be so important if we hadn't created orthodontia in the first place.
God gave you those crooked teeth, why change that?
I didn't think my teeth looked bad at all! I LIKED my smile!
But I've spent 6 and a half years expanding my jaw, removing teeth, and correcting my overbite in order to fix a smile I didn't dislike in the first place.
Sure, on my parents dime.
But it sure seems like a waste of money.
And, speaking of looks, it's not like I look ANY BETTER with straight teeth then I did with crooked teeth.
It doesn't change the fact that I have acne or that my arms are hairy or that since acquiring boobs I've become a bit chunky.
In fact, if my parents had offered to pay to fix THOSE things, I wouldn't have minded so much.
The orthodontist clearly expected me to be overcome with joy at this news.
"Congratulations! You've graduated from orthodontia!"
"Whoop-de-do. I'll still have your equipment in my mouth for the rest of my life."
"....have a nice day!"
So I threw a temper tantrum in the car and somehow broke my retainer case.
My retainers, sadly, were unharmed.
So now I have retainers AND a broken case to contend with.
I refuse to wear them. There's no point.
But my mom won't let me throw them away.
Fine. I'll just smash them to little bitty bits.
On a positive note: assuming I pass all my classes this year (ha), I only need 4 more credits to graduate.
That means all the electives I want!
Ha! At least my senior year will be fun...

No you girls never know

How come, when guys want to "go on a walk", they think of it as exercise, though it's technically "hanging out" cuz you'll be walking TOGETHER?
When girls want to go on a walk, it's to TALK.
And girls don't care about the destination. They'll walk ANYWHERE as long as they get to share about their day and how they feel.
Guys go with a specific destination in mind and THEY WILL NOT BE DETERRED FROM THEIR MISSION.
Guys take off their T-shirts differently. Girls pull up the bottom, while guys pull at the back of the neck.
I don't know. It's just weird.
I lost a bet with my history teacher.
I thought I'd heard something about Catholics being the most prevalent Christian religion in America.
Actually, it turns out they're the most prevalent Christian religion in the WORLD, which is different.
So I bought him a Gatorade.
When I say that I bought it, I mean my mom did.
But that's okay! A Gatorade's a Gatorade!
Ugh. Sort of sick of friend couples.
Either they're completely disgusting and irritating.
Or they're one of THOSE couples.
The ones that, before dating, made a big deal about how they were going to stay "just friends". Um, right.
Or the ones that only want to be with each other.
Irritating as all get out.
And everyone just thinks it's a "bitter cuz I'm single" thing!
Noooo, it's a, "Hey, you know how you piss me off? It started when you two started dating," thing.
Aaaargh! Dating friends just shouldn't be allowed!
Oh no, now the courting fiends are going to come back and make a case for arranged marriage. Somebody save us!

Like chocolate cake, only BETTER!

A bunch of my friends took the Big Five Personality Test.
It was exciting. Four new profiles all to myself!
I spent a long time looking and comparing.
Kevin's profile is spot on, but they pegged him as an ISFJ. Pfft, not hardly.
I don't know. Whenever people start exploring the different aspects of their personality, I find it COMPLETELY FASCINATING. Every time someone takes a test I get a little giddy. Looking at someone else's profile is like starting a new book.
Conclusion: I'm a nerd.
This is what I still don't get: how is KEVIN a more likely candidate for early childhood education than I am? He HATES kids!!
And my #1 was GRAPHIC DESIGN. WTF. I HATE ART AND ANYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH 'VISUALIZING'.
I told my dad, and he was like, "Well, you'd be good at it."
"I don't care, Dad. I hate it."
"Well, but you definitely have some artistic characteristics."
Like what, intense mood swings and utter nerdiness.
The same thing happened a couple nights ago, when I said something and he listened to part of what I said, but not why I said it. Or he listened to the wrong part.
When I want to grow up, I said, I want to BE a french horn.
Not PLAY a french horn. BE one.
And he was like, "Oh, yeah, I think you'd be good at French horn! It's a difficult instrument, to be sure, but you're talented...yeah, I think you'd be great!"
No, Dad. No.
But he's been asking questions and actually trying to understand me lately, and it must be that time of the month again, because the very thought brings sentimental tears to my eyes.
Speaking of sentimental tears, I love "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" SO MUCH. Stephen Chbosky is the man. Every time I read it, I want to hug Charlie. And then, I realized something I hadn't gotten last time, and it made me feel TERRIBLE for him. And yet he got through it and loved his "tormentor" or whatever. It was still sad.
But one day I'm going to go driving with my friends and we're going to listen to The Smiths and I can bet we'll feel infinite.
I finished "Love, Stargirl", too, and it was SO much better than "Stargirl".
Stargirl actually seemed real. It was amazing. It was one of those books where you felt like crying, not because it was sad, but because it was so spectacularly amazing, but you didn't cry because the warm fuzzies you got from reading the book have made you too happy.
:) I feel like being sappy right now. It's been a good day, full of chocolate cake, reading, family bonding, Freddie Mercury, and dad time.
"The Show Must Go On" is seriously the greatest song ever written.
Just like hyperbole is the best thing EVER.
But really. I listen to it a lot and feel depressed, but also happy because I love the song.
I've been listening to "Mr. Brightside" a lot, too. It makes me happy every time I listen to it. Seriously, I can't help but smile.
And "Stars" from "Les Miserables". Javert might be a rule-following psycho, but for that one song he becomes my favorite character. And then darn Valjean has to sing again, so I get distracted. But it's so simple.
Rambling rambling rambling.
It just seems good right now.
I'm going to help with the little kids' Sunday School, because I missed it after my parents stopped teaching it.
What, they need helpers?
Sorry, youth band.
Apparently Steve will feel guilty for years and years if I don't join.
I was thinking about it.
But why spend time with cocky junior high boys who try to sing low and like to jump over tables (don't ask) when I could be taking Ethan on missions to find his family or petting multiple "puppies"?
I'm going to bed in a REALLY good mood. That means tomorrow will either be a really good day or a really bad one.
Oh, and I was wrong about my history teacher. But we'll see how that class goes.

Truly evil people will FAKE A BABY'S DEATH!

I was watching "All My Children" today, although it was hard to concentrate because my mom was LAUGHING SO HARD.
Admittedly, it was pretty funny.
"They took Matthew...I mean, Trevor. And they faked the baby's death! But his mother will only get custody if she moves in with the crazy father! GASP!"
Fun fun fun.
No, I didn't go to school. School isn't even out yet.
I got out of the shower and smelled something iffy, and all of a sudden, there's this uncontrollable gag reflex. So I kind of passed out on the bed and my mom agreed there was nothing important I was going to miss at school today.
Although my history teacher would have pitched a fit.
He probably did. He'll probably yell at me all day tomorrow.
Whatever. He is SO full of it.
He made a big deal about how much he loves America, and then went on to describe the reasons he hates it.
Yeah, it made a lot of sense.
So that class sucks, but Chemistry ended up being awesome!
Mr. Daniel told us a story about aliens that shot three pieces of paper, which couldn't have just been litter. No, there was a message, which he revealed with ammonia or something.
Then he showed us his squirt bottle, AKA "No-Doze", and it had at least 50 tally marks of students he'd woken with it.
Ha. You're going DOWN, Emory.
Math looks all right. Mrs. Erickson is pretty chill about homework and whatnot. WE DON'T HAVE TO TURN IN NOTES. AND I have that class with a BUNCH of my friends.
Band's all right. We were playing pep today and I missed it. Maybe we'll play at the assembly tomorrow...
There's a cute girl in my history class who may or may not be a foreign exchange student. Hmmmm...
Women's Studies might be okay once we get started. But Innovative Fitness is hopelessly boring when you're forced to listen to lectures about excercising rather than actually doing it.
Argh. Now I'm addicted to Farkle, peppermints, and Milk Duds. I'm definitely going to like it when PE actually starts up. Ryan made fun of me for taking the class, though. He told me it was "shameful". Which it is. It's mostly girls...but there are 2 guys. They look scared, excited, and bored out of their minds.
Blah. It was the most boring day of school I've ever had.
Hopefully this year will get better...but there's football on Saturday! How could I forget!
But we have to sacrifice a virgin to our star quarterback. It's the only way to keep him happy.
Hopefully it won't be me. I'll be busy.

Real men have eunuchs dispose of their enemies.

I'M ADDICTED TO COMCAST!!!!
Seriously, it's fantastic.
Who knew we could load songs on iTunes in less than an hour?
Or watch Youtube videos without it pausing all the blessed time?
Or load games and web pages like THAT!?
Finally, we've entered the 21st century.
I'm free from the curse of dial-up forever.
AND I made the most perfect chocolate chip cookies EVER.
I didn't chill the dough or melt the butter, which helped.
Oh, and having all the ingredients.
I forgot to add eggs until AFTER adding about half the flour, but that seemed to help.
Oh, and I used parchment paper.
And then I waited until the pans were completely cool to add more cookies.
They turned out GREAT.
Like BETTER THAN MRS. FIELDS.
Who is a big fat liar, it turns out.
"Clue" is one of the funniest movies I've ever seen.
Almost as funny as "One Night with the King"!
Amanda HATED IT and didn't want to watch it, but when we did she was laughing as hard as the rest of us.
Yet she still claims to hate it.
Communism! Homosexuals! Call girls! Murder! Blackmail! Intrigue! Multiple endings! Tim Curry!
HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE THIS MOVIE?
Ugh, if someone spells alternative ONE MORE TIME...
I'm not sure I liked "House of Leaves". I finally finished it, except for the stupid letters, which I WON'T READ. I'm done with that book for now. It's bad enough that it's hard to SLEEP.
But the monster turned out to be not a monster at all, but the house itself, which makes me feel a little better.
But then what was wrong with Zampano? And Johnny? They died of paranoia? WHAT WAS THE DEAL?
And it was so sad, the story about the baby, and Navy and Karen, even though that was supposed to be a "happy" ending. Sad stuff.
FLASH FLASH CAR CRASH. Ha. AFI.