Eragon

Yeah, so I didn't really do "research" or "information"; I just played the movie on my computer and kept pausing it every so often to write "witty" things. Sorry if it sucks. This is a rough draft, so I'll finetune it later, because my dad really wanted the computer just as I was finishing this up. This took me about 5 hours on a Thursday afternoon.

Prologue
Brom: *totally copying the LOTR voiceover prologue from FOTR* A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far away, there was a land called Alagaesia.
Audience: What kind of name is that?
Brom: That's what you get when you rip off every fantasy series ever written. And it was peaceful, ruled by men astride mighty dragons. For thousands of years, the Jedi, erm, the DRAGON RIDERS, were peaceful.
Dragon Riders: Tra la la la!
Dragons: *flying* Swoooosh! Woosh!
Brom: And then Galbatorix killed them all. Every last one of them.
Haman: Hehehehehehe.
Brom: Except for one...who shall remain anonymous. Now Galbatorix is king and everyone hates him.
Michael Moore: This sounds oddly familiar and I don't know why. Oh yeah! THANKS A LOT, GEORGE BUSH!

Forest
Brom: Here we have Princess ArwwweeeeeImeanArya riding for her life with an egg, I mean, STONE.
Arya: *riding horsey* Giddyap!
Liv Tyler: De ja vu. An elf riding a white horse.
Brom: *still narrating* And now Eragon is out hunting.
Shade: *to Urgals* KILL THE JEWS, uh, ELVES!
Urgals: *fat men with bad makeup* YAAAAAAAAAR! *kill other elves*
Arya: Whoaaaaa, ow! *rolls down hill.

Other Forest
Eragon: Ladeda. I'm hunting. In the Spine. At night.
Deer: *munch munch munch*
Eragon: Forsooth! A deer hath crossedth my path! *prepares bow*

Back to Arya
Arya: Oh no, I've fallen into the ring of fire.
Johnny Cash: And it burns, burns, burns...the ring of fire.
Shade: SILENCE! Give me the Ring! Stone! Thing!
Arya: Screw you! *lifts egg* Expecto Patronum! *magics egg away*
Shade: [Vader]NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO![/Vader]

Other Forest
Eragon: Almost...almost...
Egg: *lands on deer, breaking its neck and killing it*
Eragon: YESSS!
Deer: Psyche! *gets up and runs away*
Eragon: Awwww. Now my family will STARVE. Wait, what is that? A jellybean?
Stone: *smoking from recent Harry Potter spell*
Eragon: A SMOKING jellybean.

Back to Arya for the last time
Durza: *busy tickling her, erm, torturing her* Where isssss it? Where issss the precioussssss?
Arya: I don't exactly know.
Director: D'OH! You were supposed to say something witty and challenging!
Durza: Too late. *tickles harder*

And now Eragon...
Eragon: *picks up egg* It's so pretty... *blows on it*
The next day, in Carvahall
Horst: Don't take my sons! Pleeeeeeease!
Soldiers: It's what must be done, sucker.
Elton John: It's part of the CIIIIIRCLE OF LIIIIIFE!
Soldiers: Shut up! *destroy his piano*
Elton John: Drat.
Audience: Ooooookay, that scene was altogether pointless.

The magical Butcher's Shop
Sloan: *rubbing meat all over his body* Oooooh yeah, oh yeah...
Eragon: *comes in and clears throat nervously*
Sloan: What? I... *puts meat away*
Eragon: *stares longingly after hidden meat*
Sloan: You're looking at the King's Finest FDA approved Angus blue ribbon beef. The fat just...melts into the meat.
Eragon: What were you doing with the king's meat?
Sloan: Well...nothing. All right, I was rubbing.
Eragon: You don't rub another man's meat!
Sloan: OY! Enough sly sexual imagery! Whaddya you want?
Eragon: The most expensive stuff you've got. I've got collateral! *produces stone*
Sloan: It's an egg.
Eragon: Nooooo, a stooooooone.
Sloan: Sure, Eragon. EVeryone can see it's an egg. You're the only one that can't.
Eragon: I found it in the horrible cursed mountain range known as the Spine. Still want it?
Sloan: *throws him out of ship with a roar of anger* AND DON'T COME BACK!
Eragon: *gets up* Man. *sees Brom being harassed by soldiers*
Soldiers: Where'd you get this chickens? No one ELSE has chicken.
Brom: KFC.
Soldiers: *glower of death*
Brom: Albertson's.
Soldiers: *glower of death*
Brom: Safeway?
Soldiers: OY! You stole them from the KING! *kicks stool out from under them*
Brom: *takes out knife*
Eragon: Ooer. *eyes bulge out of sockets*
Every Teenage Girl that Ever Thought He Was Hot: Ewwwww...
Duck: He looks like a duck. Wait...
Brom: Here, I'll just give them to you then.
Soldiers: YESSS!! *run away with chickens*
Brom: Take care with the little bones. Hate to see you choke!

Garrow's Farm
Uncle Garrow: OY! Eragon's returned home.
Roran: With nothing to eat.
Eragon: Hello, uncle. Hello, Cousin-Roran-who-is-only-in-this-movie-for-10-minutes-or-less.
Roran: What happened? Did a deer growl at you?
Eragon: Actually, I was attacked by a vicious jellybean.
Roran: ....Right, then. TESTOSTERONE ATTACK! *tackles him*
Eragon: YAH, A MANLY BRAWL! *shows promise at sword fighting*
Roran: I can't win this battle! *tackles again and the two start rolling around on the floor*
Garrow: Boys- WHOA! Come on, boys, get off the floor, and get your chores done. Roran, WHY are you wearing blue jeans? We live in the early 1300's! Well, I guess it doesn't matter, since you WON'T BE WITH US MUCH LONGER! *wiggles eyebrows meaningfully at Eragon*
Eragon: Oh, Roran, are you sick?
Garrow: No, he WON'T BE WITH US MUCH LONGER! *wiggles eyebrows*
Eragon: Oh, so are you going off to market today, Roran?
Roran: ....
Garrow: ....
*both leave*
Eragon: Oh well. Now I can admire my stone! *takes out stones and starts knocking on it*
Out Here In The Fields
Roran: Eragon, I'm leaving home.
Eragon: Wait, I didn't catch the first part of what you said.
Roran: I don't want to fight in the war, so I'm leaving before they can stop me.
Eragon: Leaving where?
Roran: Right, where there's the tricky part...
Eragon: *stares off into space*
Roads go ever ever on,
Over rock and under tree,
By caves where never sun has shone,
By streams that never find the sea;
Over snow by winter sown,
And through the merry flowers of June,
Over grass and over stone,
And under mountains of the moon.
Roads go ever ever on
Under cloud and under star,
Yet feet that wandering have gone
Turn at last to home afar.
Eyes that fire and sword have seen
And horror in the halls of stone
Look at last on meadows green
And trees and hills they long have known.
Christopher Paolini: No, that's not plagiarism, I LOVE Tolkien, and this is my tribute to him.
All the hobbits in the audience: BOOOOOOOOO!
Garrow: Come on, lads, let's do another exciting farm chore while I have a meaningful uncle-nephew chat over a horse with ERAGON!
Roran: All right! Come, Eragon.
Eragon: *emos*

Barn
Garrow: *brushing horse* It's normal for chicks to want to leave the nest. It's part of the-
Elton John: The CIIIIIIIIRCLE OF LIIIIIIIIIFE!
Soldiers: I told you to STUFF IT! *beat Elton John back with a beer bottle*
Eragon: Why are you talking about birds, uncle?
Garrow: It's symbolism. You'll move out one day, too.
Eragon: Not me. I'm going to stay with you...forever and forever and ever.
Garrow: *freezes* Er, no, how about a nice condominium in the village? It's nice to have a place of your own... The unknown is pretty hard to resist.
Eragon: Is that why my mammy left me with you?
Garrow: No, she left you because you look like a duck.
Eragon: *tear*
Garrow: Just playing. But it doesn't matter now because she's dead. I think. Just trust that she did it for your own good. Besides, I gained a son.

Next Day
Roran: *about to leave*
Eragon: *sulking in doorway*
Garrow: Here. 4 copper pennies. These are my life savings. Don't spend them all in one place!
Roran: Um, sure, Dad. Thanks.
Director: WHERE'S THE SENTIMENTAL LINE??????/
Roran: I mean, your blessing is all I need.
Audience: Awwwwww.
Garrow: *embrace*
Roran: *embrace*
Garrow: Goodbye, Roran. Oh, those horrible blue jeans.
Roran: They are not. Come, cousin, to the village with me, because I can't say goodbye at home like a normal person.

Village
Roran: See ya later, pimp. I mean, be strong. And work on that aim. You may make a hunter yet!
Eragon: *embrace*
Roran: *embrace*
Puss in Boots: Whatever happens, I must not cry. *sobs*

Back on de farm
Audience: Why can't you stay in one place for one stupid day!!!!!?????
Eragon: *looking at Tatooine suns, er, the sun*
Mark Hamill: I recognize this shot.
George Lucas: I do, too...
Both: Hmmm...
Eragon: *stares at sun* This is a symbol of my angsty teenage life ahead and my missing Roran. *leaves*
Audience: *blinks* Wha?

Barn
Egg: *begins cracking*
Sloan: Told ya so.
Eragon: Oh no, my stone is breaking!!!!! *watches the magic*
Egg: *crackling gently*
EXPLOOOOOOOOSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Eragon: *flies back*
Dragonbaby: *pops out* Meep.
Eragon: Not a stone...AN EGG!
Audience: NO DUH!
Dragonbaby: Meep! *hiccup*
Eragon: AWw, you're so fuzzy and precious. But what are you?
Dragonbaby: *unfurls wings and starts to ribbit* Dragon, dragon, dragon.
Eragon: Hmm, you're not a bird...
Dragonbaby: ....
Eragon: I know, a BAT! No matter. Want some food?
Dragonbaby: YESSSSH, my first solid meal in a 1,000 years! I mean...MEEP!
Eragon: Here. Whoops! *bumps dragonbaby's head with hand*
EXPLOOOOOOOOSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Brom: *wakes up* What? What?
Galbatorix: What? What?
Both: Baaaah... *go back to sleep*
Arya: *wakes up* YAY!
Durza: What? Where is it?
Arya: Too late.
Durza: In that case. *takes out Ticle Me Elmo*
Arya: Nooo...NOOOO!
Elmo: HAHAHAHA! WAAAAAAHAHAHA!
Arya: *screams*
Eragon: *wakes up curled up with dragonbaby*
Dragonbaby: *coos suggestively*
Audience: AWwwww...
Eragon: Ooooookay. *looks at hand* Wow, a unique dragon-shaped scar!
Garrow: Stop looking at yourself and do your chores!
Dragonbaby: *stomach rumbles, causing an earthquake, but miraculously no one notices a big fuzzy blue dragon running around the barn*
Eragon: Right. Here's some food. All babies like milk!
Dragonbaby: Not this baby! *bites the bag, causing the milk to spill all over the floor*
Eragon: Well, I guess you don't get breakfast.
Dragonbaby: Think again. *kills a rat and swallows it*
Eragon: Impressive. Do some more.
Dragonbaby: *kills the horse and swallows it*
Eragon: Well, that was a bit much...
Dragonbaby: *swallows Eragon*
Eragon: *climbing out of dragonbaby's digestive system* Well...be good and stay here for eternity while I do my chores. Wait, we have no horse. I HAVE NO CHORES!
Garrow: What's that? Oy, where's the horse?

The Eeeeevil Hall of Galbatorix
Durza: The egg has hatched, my king, but only to a mere farmboy.
Galbatorix: Be careful. That Luke Skywalker is strongly than he looks.
Durza: Well, no, it's not Luke Skywalker my king...
Galbatorix: Then who could it possibly be?
Durza: A...a duckboy, my liege.
Galbatorix: I just don't want the Varden to challenge me.
Durza: But you destroyed ALL the dragon riders and entire villages, cities, and civilizations. What can one farmboy and a mountain full of people do to you?
Galbatorix: Well, that's not important. *gets really close to Durza's face* Just bring me the boy.
Durza: You're king of in my bubble...but I will do whatever you say...

Back on de farm
Eragon: *staring at hand* When you turn it this way, it kind of looks like a monkey...
Dragon: *now the size of a small dog and no longer a baby, even though it's been less than a day* *enters the barn*
Eragon: Where's your mother?
Dragon: [thinking]Well, obviously not HERE![/thinking] *unfortunately, is limited to cute animal noises* Burble.
Eragon: Did she leave you with a crazy old man with a frizzy beard and a cousin who's most likely a homosexual?
Dragon: [thinking]Actually, she left me with some hot elf chick, but somehow I ended up here with you.[/thinking] *has to comfort the whiny teenage boy, as it is part of the script* *cuddles Eragon and looks at him with adorable Bambi eyes*
Audience: Awwwwww...
Eragon: You are my bestest friend in the world!
Dragon: [thinking]Crap.[/thinking]

Durza's Nazi Headquarters
Durza: *summoning up bug ninjas* Fjksdifowepiniofnioenawposinoenpfawoisne!!!!
Ra'Zac: *appear*
Durza: Kill the boy.
Ra'Zac: Hai. *leave mysteriously*

Carvahall
Eragon: Hey, look, it's Brom, the mysterious law-breaking chicken man!
Brom: It wasn't always like this...back in the day...before George Bush, I mean, GALBATORIX was leader...the land flourished without cruelty or fear...a time of dragons and dragon riders...
Eragon: How do you know all this?
Brom: I....just....doooooooooo...
Soldiers: Oy, you's speakin' rubbish! *prepare to beat him to death*
Eragon: Wait! You must let him finish!
Soldiers: *stop*
Audience: Because 17-year-old duckboys are soooo convincing.
Brom: Galbatorix killed all the dragon riders. And he shall paaaaaay... Paaaaay... Paaaaaaay...
Soldiers: OY! SHUTS UP, YOU!
Brom: The time of the dragon riders will COME AGAIN! *stares meaningfully at Eragon*
Eragon: Hehehehe, I know when it will co-ome!

Beautiful Field
Eragon: *bouncing dragon up and down while sprinting as fast as he can* And...*pant pant*...and then B-b-brom said...*pant pant*...the time of the...dragon...dragon...the time of the...dragon...riders will come....come...come...*pant pant*...........again. But you need to fly first.
Dragon: That's what I'm trying to do, but you keep bouncing me!
Eragon: Off you go, then! *throws her into the air like a football*
Sean Alexander: Woooooow...
Matt Hasselbeck: He's better than me!
Seahawks: *laughing cough of death*
Matt Hasselbeck: What? WHAT?
Dragon: I can fly, I can fly-
Wendy, John, and Michael: It can fly, it can fly-
Peter Pan: It can fly, it can fly, it can FLY!
Tinkerbell: *a-jingly-jingly-jing*
Eragon: *watches dragon fly away* Maaaaaan. There goes the dragon riders... OW, MY SCAR!
Harry Potter: *suspicious*
EXPLOOOOOOOOSION!!!!!
Dragon: *is suddenly fully mature* *flies back down beside Eragon*
Eragon: Oy! Who are you?
Saphira: Brom was right. The time has come.
Eragon: ...You still haven't answered my question.
Saphira: IT'S ME! SAPHIRA! THE DRAGON YOU JUST HATCHED!
Eragon: I used to have a dragon...she flew away, though. Wait! YOU CAN HEAR MY THOUGHTS!
Saphira: I've waited a thousand years to hear your thoughts...and now you can hear mine. As I JUST SAID, I am Saphira...and you are my rider.
Eragon: Rider??
Saphira: WHAT HAVE WE BEEN TALKING ABOUT FOR THE LAST MINUTE AND A HALF????
Eragon: Enough of this clever banter. I'll go ask Brom what he thinks.

Brom's hut
Eragon: Gee, it's midnight and everyone else is sleeping. I wonder if Brom's awake... *opens door* Helllooooooooo.... Hellooooo... *sees a book* Oooh, a book! Too bad I can't read... Hey, look, this book has nothing to do with dragons!
Brom: HEY! GET OUT!
Eragon: *girly jump* I was just...reading.
Brom: LIES! I know you can't read...
Eragon: *walk of shame* Um, yeah, but...is it true about the dragon riders?
Brom: Why do you ask?
Eragon: Dragons is cool...and I just wanted to know what color they were, how big they got, how the rider's scar looked, and everything you'd ever need to know about a dragon. Not like I HAVE one, or anything.
Brom: *locking all the doors and windows, drawing curtains, etc* Were you followed?
Eragon: Also, mine is having a poo problem, if you could perscribe some antibiotics...I mean, did dragons have poo problems?
Brom: SHUT UP AND LEAVE MY HOUSE!
Eragon: Why are you so scared? You mocked the king...in FRONT of his soldiers.
Brom: "Better ask forgiveness than permission." John Lennon said that.
John Lennon: No I didn't. I did say that Bed peace bit...
Eragon: THEN TELL ME!
Brom: NOOOOO!
Eragon: WHY NOT????
Brom: Go home! Mind your corn! Till the fields! Brush the horse!
Eragon: Actually, the horse is dead. It was eaten by a draaaaadingo.
Brom: I'm still not telling you.
Eragon: *crying* I KNOW YOUR STORY IS TRUE! *runs out sobbing*
Brom: .... *takes out red sword*
Eragon: *hears muffled groan from elsewhere* That's funny...sounds like someone is being killed...I'll go check it out.
Sloan: No! no! NOOO!
Ra'Zac: Yessss!
Sloan: Please don't!
Ra'Zac: Then TELL USS!
Sloan: All right, his name's Eragon. He lives on a farm 10 miles from here, blonde, very ugly. Now please, just don't do it!
Ra'Zac: Too late! *start grilling all of Sloan's meat*
Sloan: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Ra'Zac: But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
Eragon: Uh oh! *hides under table*
Ra'Zac: *jumps on table* Hm, nothing suspicious here. *leaves*
Eragon: *runs home 10 miles*
Saphira: ERAGON! *picks him up*
Eragon: *wriggling* Let me down! Let me down!
Saphira: Stop being a wriggly worm! It's YOU they want!
Eragon: I must save my UNCLE!
Saphira: There's nothing you can do! YOU'RE IN DANGER!
Eragon: NO!!!! *jumps off her back*
Saphira: *slow-mo* Yoooooooooooou iiiiiiiidddiiiiiiiiottttt!
Eragon: *lands in haystack and sees ruined farm* NOOOOOO! *sees burned barn* NOOOOOO! *sees dead Garrow* Oh, that's all right then. *turns to Saphira* THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!
Saphira: Actually, I just saved your ***.
Eragon: AND you're corrupting me! GO AWAY FROM HERE! AND NEVER RETURN!
Saphira: Fine. *flys away*
Eragon: Yeah, that's right! Fly away!
Brom: NYAAAAAH! *jumps on from behind and looks at Eragon's hand* YOU???? But you're a DUCK?
Eragon: Geroff me! Geroff me!
Brom: So that's why you were all curious 'bout dragons.
Eragon: Well, it's too late. I SENT HER AWAY!
Brom: Who?
Eragon: MY DRAGON!
Brom: Ooooooooooooh, I thought....never mind. Well, let's go.
Eragon: Where?
Brom: On a quest. I have a horse outside.
Eragon: Not till we bury my uncle!
Brom: *sighs* Fine. *sets Garrow on fire*
Eragon: WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Brom: Burial fit for a king.
Audience: Brom=1 Eragon=0
Brom: Now GET ON THAT HORSE!
Eragon: *gets on horse* Who are you?
Brom: Just ride.

Resting in da forest
Brom: Now that we're all settled, call your dragon.
Eragon: I shan't. My uncle was KILLED because of her!
Brom: There was nothing you could do. He was killed by some crazy bug ninjas of the king. A boy of 12, 13...
Eragon: I'm 17!!!
Brom: A boy of 17 would probably last a minute. I'm also supposed to be telling you a lot of important stuff about the Varden and Durza, but I don't feel like it. NOW CALL YOUR DRAGON!
Eragon: I, um, er, can't, she's, er, too far away. Yeah, that's it.
Brom: I know she hears your thoughts.
Eragon: Fine. SAPHIRA!
Saphira: *pops out from behind a tree* Here I am!
Eragon: But...but...but...
Saphira: I never left you...
Audience: Awwwwww...
Brom: She's beautiful! She looks just like MY old...I mean, she looks great. Nice body...teeth...scales...her legs are a little thin...but her feet look nice...
Saphira: He seems nice.
Eragon: Everybody loves flattery.
Brom: Soon you can ride her.
Eragon: No.
Brom: You have to. [Vader]It is your destiny...[/Vader]
Eragon: I'm not getting my hand cut off and hanging off a weathervane!
Brom: Erm, right. The Varden NEED YOU!
Eragon: Why me????
Brom: Ask Saphira.
Saphira: I waited 1,000 years for you. So shut up and get on.
Eragon: So my life's in danger because some stupid dragon chose me?
Saphira: HEY!
Brom: No...because if the king kills you, your dragon is screwed.
Saphira: Better me than you, I guess.

Orc, I mean, URGAL metal shop/Durza Nazi Headquarters
Urgals: Makin weapons, makin weapons, lalalala.
Durza: *appears out of nowhere* Hm. Nice sword, Stanislav.
Stanislav: *blush*
Durza: Sleek...sharp...and to the POINT! *stabs Stan in foot*
Stan: OW!
Durza: Bring me the boy or I'll damage MORE than your foot. *looks around* Sorry about that. Do carry on.
Urgals: .... Makin weapons, making weapons, lalalala.

And now to our heroes...
Brom: We're being chased by Urgals. That means we have to ride to Daret.
Eragon: SWEET! ROAD TRIP!
Brom: Tell your dragon to be careful.
Eragon: Be careful.
Saphira: YOU be careful. *graceful takeoff*
Ra'Zac #1: Oh, look, a dragon, I wonder whose it is...
Ra'Zac #2: Maybe someone lost theirs.
Ra'Zac #1: No, the point is I was being sarcastic. There's only 1 dragon out there.
Ra'Zac #2: Oh. The king's?
Ra'Zac #1: All right, so there's 2!
Ra'Zac #2: Right...so who's the second one?

*Lots of horseback riding*
Brom: *hears screams* I hear screams.
Eragon: *sees wagon party getting mugged* And I see a wagon party getting mugged. LET'S SAVE THEM!
Brom: Well, actually, we can't, because you have no skills and there are like 50 million Urgals and 2 of us.
Eragon: I have skills! I fought my cousin all the time!
Brom: There's a difference between wrestling your gay cousin and fighting Urgals.
Eragon: But what about the people.
Brom: Oh they'll be fine. Let's go practice some swordfighting.

Fighting, fighting, fighting on the river
Brom: Here's a wooden sword. Pwn me.
Eragon: Awright... YAAAAAAAH! *attacks*
Brom: *steps out of the way* You're very good.
Eragon: RAAAAAH!
Brom: *blocks* You're VERY VERY good. Oh, I'm feeling weak.
Eragon: *trips*
Brom: That's enough for today. You'll be a master soon enough!

The forest...AGAIN
Brom: *trying to start a fire*
Eragon: *talking to Saphira* I could've beaten him. I was just tired and I didn't want him to get hurt.
Saphira: Riiiiiiight.
Brom: *fire won't work* Rjklfjkld. *fire starts*
Eragon: What'd you just say?
Brom: What? Oh, I sneezed. Achoo.
Eragon: No, you said "rjklfjkld".
Saphira: And you started a fire.
Brom: Strange things happen all the time these days...duckboys hatch dragons, dragons grow overnight, people get set on fire...
Eragon: Hmph.

*More horseback riding*

Daret
Brom: Aaaaaand, we're HERE!
Eragon: Right...so what do I do?
Brom: Go find a fortune teller or something. I have something IMPORTANT to do. *walks into a bar*
Eragon: Hmph. *sees intimidating looking emo*
Emo: *piercing gaze of death*
Eragon: *blinded* AAAAAH! *stumbles into fortunetellers tent*
Angela: SWEET, Angela's FIRST CUSTOMER!
ERagon: Oh crap.
Audience Member #1: Her voice sounds familiar. Isn't she a famous singer?
Audience Member #2: You're right...isn't she black, though?
Angela: Angela will tell your fortune.
Eragon: Right...how will you...
Angela: *takes out dragonbones* This one says you'll be hungry tomorrow. And this one says you took a crap yesterday.
Eragon: Actually, I've been backed up lately. This is stupid. I'm leaving.
Angela: WAIT! You'll meet a girl. And she'll be HAWT.
Eragon: Really? Tell me more.
Angela: And a death rapidly approaches.
Eragon: ....
Angela: ....
Eragon: Anything else?
Angela: I totally just made all that up.
Eragon: *sigh* *walks out of tent*
Urgal: *attacks*
Eragon: AAAAAAAAGH!
Urgal: YAAAAAAAH! *dead*
Brom: What were you doing?
Eragon: Having my fortune told. She said a death was rapidly approaching.
Brom: *looks down* I see she was right. Come on!
Urgals: WE WILL TRAP YOU ON THE BRIDGE! *trap them on the bridge*
Eragon: Oh no, we're trapped!
Brom: *rolls eyes*
Eragon: SAPHIRA, I NEED YOU!
Brom: *pulls out lightsaber and starts fighting*
Eragon: Um...um...um...rjklfjkld!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Urgals: *explode*
Eragon: Oooooh...I'm so weak! *faints*
Saphira: Someone's had a little too much to drink...
Brom: Personally, I think he's been smoking...

Whaddya know, THE FOREST!
Eragon: My scar...IT BURNS!
Harry Potter: I'M NOT KIDDING, guys, I think he stole my line!
Hermione: Oh, Harry, you're so suspicious.
Ron: Yeah, cool it, man.
Brom: You just did magic.
Eragon: Really. Shweet. How?
Brom: You said the objects name. Fire's name is rjklfjkld.
Eragon: What's tree's name?
Brom: Greenpeace.
Eragon: What's rock's name?
Brom: Bill.
Eragon: Right.
Brom: Just remember that too much magic kills.
Eragon: Like drugs?
Brom: Sure... Btw, thanks to your dragon, we have to take a detour. And you have to fly.
Saphira: *appears with brand new saddle* Did somebody call?
Eragon: You better not drop me.
Saphira: Okay. *sweeps him off cliff with her tail*
Eragon: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! *falling*
Brom: *pause* Well, I suppose you better go get him.
Saphira: Wait for it...
Brom: Um, Saphira, he's almost to the bottom.
Saphira: Wait for it...
Brom: Ouch, those rocks look painful.
Saphira: Wait for it...
Brom: ....
Saphira: ....
Eragon: ....
Saphira: WOOOOOOOOSH! *saves*
Eragon: I luuuuuuuuuuuuuurve flying!
Saphira: Look at the trees.
Eragon: Trees are GREEN!
Saphira: Actually, they're blue! Look through my eyes. The word for that is "bibbitybobbitybibbitybobbity".
Eragon: BIBBITYBOBBITYBIBBITYBOBBITY! *blinks* Wow, everything is blue, and I can see Brom!!!! AND RA'ZAC!
Saphira: What?
Eragon: NINJAS!
Saphira: What?
Eragon: BUG PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saphira: Ooooooooooh... What?
Eragon: SAVE BROM!
Brom: No, don't save me, I've been trained in the Jedi fighting arts!
Eragon: Save you? All right! LOWER! LOWER!
Saphira: *runs into some trees*
Eragon: *vaults off* AAAAAAAAH! SAVE ME, BILL! *lands on a big rock* Owwww.
Ra'Zac #1: YAHAHAHA!
Eragon: GREENPEACE!
Treebeard and the Ents: Oh no you don't, you nasty little orcs! *squishes*
Eragon: RIGHTEOUS!
Brom: *gets out lightsaber again* HIYANUNNYNUNNYFUNJAYA!!!!!!!!!!
Ra'Zac #2: Uh-oh.
Brom: *slow-mo* Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! *pwns*
Ra'Zac #2: *dead*
Eragon: Whooooooooooooooooa......
Later, in the FOREST
Audience: *groans* I tire of this scenery.
Brom: *quite the Florence Nightengale* You could've KILLED Saphira. Now I have to spread MUSTARD PASTE all over her wounds!
Eragon: That was some pretty sweet fighting.
Brom: DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT!
Eragon: ....
Brom: WHY DON'T YOU LISTEN TO ME, BOY?
Eragon: "Better to ask forgiveness than permission."
Audience: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!
Brom: Ouch. *goes to wash mustard paste off hands* You're supposed to reach the Varden alive, you know!
Eragon: First, let's talk about sex.
Brom: ....
Eragon: Or, truth, if you'd rather. It's part of being a good parent/guardian.
Brom: What in the blazing dragon bottoms are you talking about?
Eragon: *cuts off Brom's glove* I thought we weren't going to lie to each other, Mr. Dragon Rider Pants.
Brom: All right, you got me, you got me.
Eragon: Where's YOUR dragon, Mr. Dragon Rider Pants?
Brom: Oh, she's dead.
Eragon: ....
Saphira: ....
Audience: ....
Theater Manager: ....
Snack Guy: *coughs*
Brom: Morzan, your father, I mean, another dragon rider killed her dead. So I killed him and took his sword. *takes out lightsaber* This is his sword.
Eragon: Aaaaaaaaaaah... That's why you're so emo all the time.
Brom: What?
Eragon: Nothing. What's for lunch?
Brom: No, no, no, the reason I'm so emo is that when I killed Morzan, I killed his DRAGON! So I basically killed the last dragon and it was all my fault. *emo tear* And then *looks up* and then YOU came into my life.
Eragon: *backs away, uncomfortable*
Saphira: So you basically saved the entire race of dragons, Eragon, and it's still your fault, Brom.
Brom: Now that you mention it, I AM hungry...

Durza Nazi Headquarters
Durza: *looks up from comic book*
Stanislav: We didn't get the boy.
Durza: I can see that. Well, you know what this means...
Stanislav: What?
Durza: *kills with fingernail of doom*
Stanislav: *dies*
Durza: You there.
Viggo: Me?
Durza: Congratulations.
Viggo: *excited*
Durza: You've been promoted.
Viggo: *sad*

Torture Chambers for Elves
Durza: First, I'll poison you. *pokes Arya in chest*
Arya: SEXUAL HARASSMENT!
Durza: Next, I'll lure the boy to me...using you... *prepares for dream sequence*

Eragon: *shleepy, having hisself a dreamzy...*
Arya: *dancing een the weend* 'Ello. My name's Arya.
Eragon: Whoa. You are quite literally the girl of my dreams. HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Arya: ....
Eragon: Sorry. I'm Eragon.
Arya: I'm an ally with the Varden. You're the only one who can save me.
Eragon: *staring* Whatever you say.... Hey, where are you?
Arya: Durza holds me prisoner at Gil'ead.
Durza: Now say the last part.
Arya: Do I have to?
Durza: Yes.
Eragon: *confoozed*
Arya: *sigh* Only a big strong dragon rider like you is right for the job. You must come save me... *fades away*
Eragon: What just happened? *wakes up*
Brom: *regarding him curiously*
Eragon: I just dreamed about an elven princess.
Brom: Not surprising for a boy at your age.
Eragon: NO, NO, NO. She needs me to save her. Saphira and I are leaving.
Brom: No, Luke, wait! Don't leave! You haven't finished your training!
Eragon: What?
Brom: What? Oh, nothing. You can't leave, though.
Eragon: *leaving*
Brom: You can't.
Eragon: *leaving*
Brom: I'll cry.
Eragon: *still leaving*
Brom: Wait, who are you saving?
Eragon: Arya.
Brom: How do you know her?
Eragon: I'm telling you, she was in my DREAM!
Brom: Oh. You still can't leave.
Eragon: Goodbye! *flies away*
Brom: How did he do that?
Saphira: I don't know, I'm still here.

Durza Nazi Headquarters
Saphira: Well, there it is. Looks pretty easy to get into.
Eragon: We'll wait till night.
Saphira: SWEET! Do I get to wear a disguise?
Eragon: Noo...
Saphira: How bout a mask?
Eragon: No.
Saphira: A schnoz?
Eragon: I'm going alone.
Saphira: Oh.
Eragon: *waiting till night*
Saphira: You can't go in alone.
Eragon: *waiting*
Saphira: I'll cry.
Eragon: *still waiting*

INSIDE Durza Nazi Headquarters
Eragon: *disguised as creepy priestess of Mutajamba*
Emo: *following him* *piercing gaze of death*
Eragon: *doesn't notice cuz he's dumb* *gets inside the building* Well, now would be a good time to shed my convincing disguise, what with Urgals and guards and enemies all about that SURELY won't notice me.
Arya: *gasping pitifully*
Eragon: Hark! My DREAM GIRL! *rushes to save her*
Arya: *looks up* You shouldn't have come!
Eragon: No need to thank me.
Arya: No, I meant it's a trap!
Durza: Hello, hello, hello. Or should I say goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. FJKLWIOEPUQNC! *summons all the weapons in the castlefortress to kill Eragon*
Eragon: *blocks them all*
Durza: MINGMOKNUMNUMNUM! *summons all the kitchen utensils in the castlefortress to kill Eragon*
Eragon: *blocks them all*
Durza: TAT! *summons all the thumb tacks and paperclips in the castlefortress to kill Eragon*
Eragon: *blocks them all*
Durza: OH, COME ON!
Eragon: Fine. I'll weaken myself significantly and then it will be fair. BILL! *rock falls out of the ceiling, barely missing Arya* Oh, I feel woozy.
Durza: Mwahaha. Victory shall be mine! *throws spear at him*
Brom: Noooooooooooooooooo! *flies in front of spear and gets nailed*
Durza: That's what happens when you drive hammered.
Eragon: BROM! *angrily throws sword at Durza*
Durza: *blocks it* You'll have to do much better than that.
Eragon: *shoots him in the head with an arrow*
Durza: Wow, that actually hurt. *starts to disintegrate*
Brom: *rips spear out of chest, ignoring the growing pool of blood* Go! Save yourselves! Leave me!
Eragon: No! I need an extra burden to slow me down and make an easier target for enemies! Come Arya!
Arya: I've just woken up from a near coma after being tickled, er, tortured for days. And you want me to carry him?
Eragon: You're the woman, I'm the man, and I say you CARRY HIM!
Audience: Oooooooh!
Rosie O'Donnell: That's not right...
Soldiers: OY! An intruder!
Brom: Here, take Zar'roc!
Eragon: What?
Brom: THE LIGHTSABER!
Eragon: Oh!
Audience: Because he could easily take all 50 million of those soldiers with a sword.
Saphira: *pops through the roof and eats all the soldiers*
Audience: Or that could happen.
Eragon: *looks up* It's the Emo from Daret!
Emo: *aiming at him*
Eragon: What? No! Don't! I'm a friend! I'm totally cool with your scene, yo!
Emo: *shoots last soldier Saphira failed to eat* I suggest you leave quickly*
Eragon: Right. Thanks. Like I didn't know that. *gets on Saphira*
Saphira: All aboard? Everybody on? Okay! TOOT TOOT! *flies away*
Soldiers: *start shooting her with arrows*
Eragon: Saphira, they're shooting you.
Saphira: I KNOW, Eragon.
Eragon: Well, how long will you be able to-
Saphira: *starts to fall*
Eragon: -last. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Back where we belong...in the forest
Arya: *nursing Brom back to health* Oh no, Brom's dying!
Brom: *weakly* Eeeeeeragoooon...
Eragon: I'm here, Brom.
Brom: I'm dying.
Eragon: Yes, I can see that.
Brom: Eeeeeeragooooon...
Eragon: What?
Brom: Eeeeeeeeragoooon...
Eragon: What?
Brom: *wheeze wheeze wheeze* *dies*
Eragon: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
Brom: *coughs* *wasn't really dead the first time*
Eragon: BROM!
Brom: Is Durza dead?
Eragon: Yep.
Brom: Did you pierce him through the heart?
Eragon: No, actually, I shot him in the head.
Brom: Then he's not dead.
Eragon: Dang.
Arya: We must get help from the Varden!
Brom: Yes, go to the Varden...without me.
Eragon: No, Brom! I NEED YOU!
Brom: No, Eragon...it is I that have always needed you.
Audience: :O WHAT????
Movie Critic: Is Eragon gay?
Movie Psychologist: Interesting that because he never had a female figure, Eragon's relationships always end the same way.
Audience: What's a movie psychologist?
Brom: *dying slowly* Take Zar'roc.
Eragon: I CAN HEAL YOU! HEALHEALHEALABRACADBRA!
Spell: *doesn't work*
Eragon: I wasn't strong enough to fix it. I wasn't strong enough! But someday I will be! Someday so strong I can stop people from DYING!
Arya: ....
George Lucas: That's not right.
Saphira: HURRY, PUT HIM ON MY BACK! So he can die like a Dragon Rider.
Eragon: *puts Brom on Saphira's back*
Brom: I'm not dead.
Saphira: *takes off*
Brom: I'm not dead yet.
Saphira: *flying*
Brom: I'm getting better.
Saphira: *turns sharply to the right*
Brom: *falls off*
So dies Brom.

On a mountain
Eragon: *made Brom a noble looking tomb out of rocks*
Arya: That's the worst tomb I've ever seen.
Saphira: Aa...aa...ACHOO! *sneezes on tomb*
Tomb: *becomes all shiny and crystal*
Eragon: How'd you do that?
Saphira: That's my, um, GIFT to Brom.
Eragon: *sigh* Who will remember him?
Arya: Many people will...because of you. You're his claim to fame.

*sigh* Back in the forest
Arya: *falls to the ground suddenly*
Eragon: That's unusual.
Saphira: The SHADE poisoned her! Wait...someone's coming.
Eragon: Where does it hurt?
Arya: *points to chest*
Eragon: Oh...well...
Arya: *shows him area*
Eragon: Wow....you look really...poisoned.
Arya: *whimpering* Oh. Oh. Oh. It hurts. It HURTS.
Eragon: I guess I need to get you to the Varden.
Arya: Here! *reaches for his head*
Eragon: Oh, are you going to send me your mental images?
Arya: No... *hands him digital camera* I'm giving you REAL images.
Eragon: Oh...can I take a picture of the poisoned spot.
Saphira: I HAVE THE INTRUDER! *drops Emo to the ground*
All the girls in the audience: *swoon*
Emo: *laughing*
Eragon: Who are you?
Emo: I've always dreamed of dragons. I'm Murtagh.
Girls in audience: Muuuuuuuuuurtagh..... *faint*
Murtagh: You need my help, dragon rider.
Eragon: Not really.
Murtagh: You do if you seek the Varden.
Eragon: Whatevs. I've got myself a digital camera. I don't need you.
Murtagh: Fine then. *leaves forever and never comes back ever, ever, ever, ever again*
Girls in audience: *walk out of theater angrily*
Murtagh: *didn't really leave*
Eragon: Why'd you save me in the Durza Nazi Headquarters?
Murtagh: I'm an anarchist.
Director: *cough cough*
Murtagh: I mean, my family was slaughtered by Galbatorix. And dragons are kewl.
Eragon: Well, that's enough reason for me. I trust you.
Murtagh: That's nice.
Eragon: But I'm not the only one you need to convince.
Saphira: *Rawr*

*HORSEBACKRIDING*

Outside Big Rock Candy Mountain
Eragon: *looking around* Wow. I never would've guessed this is where they're hiding.
Murtagh: Because a big mountain made of rock candy isn't suspicious at ALL.
Saphira: Um, you guys, there are Urgals behind you.
Eragon: Let me guess. 50 million?
Saphira: Actually, there are only 2, but they're going to kill you in T minus 2 seconds.
Murtagh: *sees Urgal and kills it with Zar'roc*
Urgal: *pwned*
Eragon: *blinks* What just happened?
Murtagh: UNDER THE WATERFALL!
Both: *dive under waterfall*
Both: *pop up a minute later*
Eragon: WE MADE IT!
Murtagh: Sooo...cold...
Middle Eastern footsoldiers: Surrender!

Galbatorix's Palace
Galbatorix: All I asked you to do was bring a 13-year-old boy to me.
Durza: 17, my lord.
Galbatorix: And yet you fail me.
Durza: HE SHOT ME IN THE HEAD!
Galbatorix: You're fine. And you don't get to take sick leave.
Durza: Drat.
Galbatorix: I shall give you one last chance. The boy has led us to the Varden. Kick his butt.

Inside Big Rock Candy Mountain
Djimon Hounsou: Which one of you is the rider?
Eragon: Me?
Djimon Hounsou: *starts laughing*
Everyone else: *starts laughing*
Eragon: *emos*
Djimon Hounsou: Forgive me, I expected someone a little more...well, more.
Orik: We also didn't think he'd be white.
Eragon: My name is Eragon.
Djimon Hounsou: My name is actually supposed to be Ajihad, but because I play a big intimidating black man in every movie I do, you may just call me Djihad.
Eragon: Right.
Djihad: Right then. *sees Murtagh* Lock him up.
Murtagh: *being restrained by dwarves* LET GO OF ME! I'VE DONE NOTHING WRONG!
Eragon: No, he hasn't! *pause* Have you?
Murtagh: Huh?
Eragon: You're not like a mass murderer or something, are you?
Murtagh: *emo scream of rage*
Saphira: *flies in looking especially angry* *rawr*
Djihad: This is Morzan's son. And of course the son is ALWAYS EXACTLY like the father, so he will kill us all.
Murtagh: I HATED THAT MAN! *lifts up shirt*
Teenage girls: *scream*
Murtagh: Look at this!
Djihad: A toned, muscular abdomen?
Murtagh: No, this scar. He threw a sword at me. I hated that man till the day he died.
Djihad: That's nice. *looks at guards* Lock him up.
Murtagh: *taken away*
Eragon: Well, now that that's done with, could you save my elf girlfriend?
Djihad: Sure. Take her away, too.
Orik: Apparently Urgals have made it inside.
Djihad: This calls for war. Are you with me?
Eragon: Uh...
Djihad: Great. Now put on some armor and let's go.

Meanwhile...
Durza: *looking a lot more corpselike than before* I'll try to keep this short. Just kill the cowards and, most importantly, HAVE FUN!
Urgals: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

But let's get back to the people that actually matter
Eragon: *taking a bath...with his pants on*
Nasuada: *comes in* Oh, sorry.
Eragon: No, that's fine... Would you like to join me?
Nasuada: My father asked me to bring you to him.
Eragon: Who's your father?
Nasuada: Let's see, there are only two black people in this whole entire movie and I'm one of them; who else could my father be?
Eragon: ....
Nasuada: *sigh* Come on.
Eragon: How's my girlfr- How's Arya?
Nasuada: Great. But she doesn't want to see you.
Eragon: *tear*
People: *scared*
Eragon: Why is everyone afraid of me?
Djihad: You look like the duck demon are people fear so much.
Eragon: Oh.
Djihad: *changing the subject* Look, your armor's ready. Go put it on.
Eragon: Kay. *has trouble with it*
Arya: *puts it on for him*
Eragon: What are you doing?
Arya: I'm the woman, this is my job.
Eragon: Oh, right...forgot about that. *studies her* You look fit...for battle.
Arya: You must be strong.
Eragon: Why did all this happen to me? I'm just a farm boy.
Arya: Luke Skywalker was just a farmboy, Eragon. A farmboy destined for great things. Look in that convex pot over there. THAT is who Saphira chose.
Reflection: *all distorted and oddlooking*
Eragon: *shocked* I can hardly even recognize myself!
Horn: Awooga!
Arya: It is TIME! Well, I'll see you later.
Everyone: *takes their position*
Urgals: *running*
Everyone: *waiting*
Urgals: *running*
Everyone: *waiting* How long is this going to take? READY THE ARCHERS!
EXPLOOOOOOOOOSION!!!!!!!
Urgals: RAAAAAAAH!
Varden: RAAAAAAAH!
*fighting*
Eragon: *calmly surveying the chaos from above*
Saphira: *clanks over to him* Man, this armor is heavy.
Eragon: I need to know, Saphira. Why me?
Saphira: You choose a leader for his heart. Unfortunately, I was getting claustrophobic in there, and didn't know WHOSE possession I was in until I hatched and met you. If only I'd waited a bit longer...
Eragon: .... But I am not without fear.
Saphira: I know. That's why I am regretting my hasty decision.
Eragon: Are we together though? As one?
Saphira: No! *incinerates him with flame*
Eragon: *blinks* I'll take that as a yes.
*fighting*
Arya: Eragon, where are youuuuu?
Eragon: INTO THE SKY, TO WIN OR DIE! Hey, I'm a poet and I didn't even know it.
Saphira: *roars and sets all the bad guys on fire*
King Arthur: And there was much rejoicing.
Knights of the Round Table: Yaaaaaaaaay.
Murtagh: *in Cage of Death and Despair* LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT!
Urgal: Okay. *opens door*
Murtagh: *blink*
Urgal: *blink* Hey, you're a good guy!
Murtagh: RAAAAAAAH! *kicks*
Urgal: AAAAAAAH! *falls*
Arya: *fighting all feminist like with twin knives* Take that, sucka.
Djihad: *doing a sort of dance routine fight* LalalalalaYAAAAAAH! LalalalalaYAAAAAAAAH!
Murtagh: *saves Orik*
Orik: Man, I just got saved by Morzan's son.
Murtagh: No. That's what my friends call me. You can call me Emo...
Arya: *sees millions more soldiers coming* WE'RE DOOMED!
Djihad: *stops dancefighting to agree* Yep, we're pretty much screwed.
Durza: Mwahahaha. Mwahahahahaha. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Saphira: *sets all the Urgals on fire*
Eragon: YAH! *not really doing anything*
Durza: CURSE YOU! Just for that, I'll create a scary smoke dragon monster! MOONEYPOONEYFAJAMAS!!!!!
Doommonster: *growly*
Murtagh: *fighting* *sees soldiers* Dangit.
Eragon: Time to return the favor!
Saphira: Actually, you're not doing anything. You're just sitting there. *sets soldiers on fire*
Audience: This is too easy...
Murtagh: I guess we're even!
Eragon: Yeah, that's right! Now you owe me!
Murtagh: Nooooo... *too busy getting attacked by Urgals/soldiers*
Archers: Oooh look, a magical smoke monster with a shade riding on it. Do you think it could be killed by firey arrows? *start shooting*
Durza: Nope! *throws fireballs at them*
Archers: MEOWCH! *fall of bridge*
Eragon: Durza, I choose you! *more fire*
Durza: *of course, evades*
Eragon: Gee, that didn't work, let's try it over and over again.
Durza: Why are you convinced this will work?
Eragon: *tries to stab Doommonster* Gee, that didn't work? What is that?
Saphira: Oh, I wonder, it's smoky and he created it out of nonsense words. I'm thinking it's dark magic.
Eragon: Really? I thought it was real!
Durza: Nananananabooboo!
Saphira: STAB HIM IN THE HEART! And this time, rip it out of his chest! I could use a snack.
Eragon: Gross...
*fly towards Doommonster*
Doommonster: Yummy! *bites Saphira's neck*
Durza: Wow, this is VERY entertaining.
Eragon: SAPHIRA, NO! BITE HIM BACK! BITE HIM BACK!
Saphira: Yeah, sorry, KIND OF BUSY RIGHT NOW!
Durza: HEAR HER SCREAM!
Eragon: *stabs Doommonster in the head*
Doommonster: Do you MIND?
Eragon: Excuse me, you're kind of eating my dragon.
Doommonster: Terribly sorry.
*Eragon and Saphira escape temporarily*
Eragon: Saphira, you're hurt!
Saphira: You would think so! Don't worry about me, though. Even though you just started using magic a few days ago, I'm sure you can heal someone as big as me even though you couldn't heal Brom.
Eragon: So no pressure then.
Saphira: I'm so weak...
Eragon: Just LEAN ON ME, WHEN YOU'RE NOT STRONG, I'LL BE YOUR FRIEND, HELP YOU TO CAAAARRY OOOOOOON!
Saphira: Ooooh, now I feel weaker...
Eragon: HEY, I HAVE AN IDEA!
Durza: Ooh, I can't wait for this. *throws a fireball right at saddle and hits it* Wait, Eragon's not there!
Eragon: *hanging onto Saphira's tail* Psyche!
Saphira: *flings Eragon towards Durza*
Eragon: YAAAAAAAAH! *stabs Durza*
Durza: ....
Eragon: This one's for Mr. Frodo! *stabs again*
Durza: ....
Eragon: This one's for the Shire! *stabs again*
Durza: ....
Eragon: And that's for my old gaffer!
Durza: *implodes*
Doommonster: Uh oh. *implodes*
Eragon: *falling* AAAAAAAAAAAH!
Saphira: *saves*
Both: *fall to ground*
Eragon: *crawls over to Saphira* Oh no, you're hurt! And your wounds are covered in...barbecue sauce?
Saphira: I told you the special effects in this movie were bad. It's too late for me, Eragon. You'll be able to live without me. You have a hot girlfriend, some nice dwarf pals, an emo BFF...
Eragon: But I NEED YOU! HEALHEALHEALABRACADABRA!
Saphira: Youuuuuu iiiiiiiidiiiiiiotttttt!
Eragon: *passes out*
Everyone else: Wow, we won, look at the devastation. I wonder where that Eragon guy is?
Next Day
Eragon: *wakes up holding Zar'roc* Murtagh? What are you doing in my room?
Murtagh: I thought we could have a sleepover.
Eragon: *gets up quickly*
Murtagh: Hey, slowly! Too late.
Eragon: OOOOOOOOWMYYYYYHEADOOOOOOOOW! *looks around* Where's Saphira?
Murtagh: *look of supreme compassion* There are some friends that can't be replaced, Eragon.
Eragon: *starts sobbing* NO, NO, NO! I'LL NEVER LIVE AGAIN! I'LL SLIT MY WRISTS AND WRITE I LOVE YOU IN THE BLOOD! PLEASE, SAPHIRA, COME BACK TO ME!
Murtagh: Uh...dude, I was kidding.
Eragon: What?
Saphira: *flies in* Good morning, gents!
Murtagh: I was totally going to say, "Luckily, there are those that don't have to be."
Eragon: Oh. SAPHIRA! *leaphug*
Saphira: Please don't touch me.
Eragon: I didn't think I could do it, but I did, because I knew I'd already done it. Does that make sense?
Saphira: NO!
Harry Potter: SEE, Hermione, they're doing it AGAIN!
Eragon: *megahug of doom*
Saphira: ....
Eragon: Saaaaaay, where's my fine elfy woman?
Murtagh: She escaped. I mean, she left for Ellesmera. You can probably catch up to her if you-
Saphira and Eragon: *already gone*
Murtagh: Okay then.
Off to Ellesmera
Elves: Arya, the dragon is catching up to us!
Arya: Foiled again by those meddling kids!
Eragon: Hahaha, I found you, I found you!
Arya: I see that, I mean, I'm so glad.
Eragon: I didn't want you to leave without saying goodbye.
Arya: There...wasn't time! Besides, you must prepare the Varden for battle. *rubbing Eragon's shoulder in a suggestive manner* You've lost your family. You've been courageous.
Eragon: Yeah yeah yeah, I just want to know when I'll see you again.
Arya: Yesterday you were a farmboy and an annoying teenage brat. Today you are a hero and you're still an annoying teenage brat. I'll wait for tomorrow. *leaves*
Eragon: *sigh*
Saphira: Love bites.
Eragon: Shut up. Let's ride.
Saphira: Wise words. *flies away*

The End