Shrek 3 ****Major spoilers for all who care****

Wow, have I really not said anything about American Idol? I'm SO GLAD Jordin won. Blake has been corrupted, I tell you. And he creeps me out.
But I just saw Shrek 3. Read on.

Plot: Shrek (Mike Meyers), coming back from being reunited with wife Fiona (Cameron Diaz) after a dastardly Jennifer Saunders tried to ruin his Happily Ever After, must find Artie (Justin Timberlake *puking*), next in line to the throne (after him and Fiona), after the king (John Cleese) dies. Meanwhile, Prince Charming (Rupert Everett) is trying to take over the kingdom, bla bla bla.

1. WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THE POP CULTURE REFERENCES???? That was my FAVORITE PART! ANd they're ALL GONE!

2. Shrek doesn't wear pajamas to bed? Naughty, naughty.

3. First five minutes: SOOOOO DUMB. "Oh, let's show Shrek bungling the royal duties. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" I was SO BORED for like forever. First, he injures some guy he's supposed to be knighting (gets him right in the shoulder), destroys a royal cruise ship (HAHAHAHA, HE THREW THE BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE AT IT! Yeah, we get it, HE'S AN OGRE!), then he has to set the castle on fire. The fun continues...

4. Btw, my mom bought me a TAKE FIVE bar for the movie. Um, I love those, but not for a movie. In 2 seconds, I am DONE. That's why you buy Skittles, M&M's, and Popables. Proper movie food. And we finished the popcorn before the movie even started. Guess what? NO REFILLS! -_- No butter.

5. "Oh Fiona, I'm a horrible king, I'm an OGRE." Nooooooooo, really?

6. The death scene of the king was pretty funny. He had 2 false alarms with a lot of wheezing. His real death was much less dramatic. Just flops over limply. Kind of a let down after, "His name is...his name is...HIS NAME IS...*wheeeeze wheeeze cough cough hack blaaaaaaah*" Then he eats a fly that's flying near donkey. Predictable, but a good sign of humor to come. Or so I'd hoped.

7. Must find Artie, where is Artie????

8. Why doesn't Fiona tell Shrek she's pregnant on the dock? "No Shrek...actually, nothing, um, you can go, I just won't tell you THERE'S SOMETHING IN MY UTERUS! ACTUALLY, THREE SOMETHINGS! YOU THOUGHT I WAS JUST FAT? OOOOOHH NO!"

9. It was pretty funny, though. She's trying to tell him and the Viking captain keeps blowing the foghorn. "I said I'm *HONK HONK*"

10. Quick interjection: What a horribly funny joke:
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the hospital director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered that Edna be discharged from the hospital because she now considered Edna to be mentally stable.
The director went to Edna and said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you being discharged because you responded so rationally to a crisis by jumping into the pool to save the life of another person. Your action displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

11. Back to the story. So they go to Artie's high school, where he is a grade A nerd. BUt then again, he IS Justin Timberlake. Booooo...

12. With Lancelot's character, they didn't even try. THey just copied Charming, made him a little heavier, and died his hair black. He even had the same accent.

13. Some girl asks out Shrek. Hahaha, high school humor.

14. Artie gets a wedgie from some nerds. How sad.

15. Fiona's baby shower was messed up. She gets a dwarf, a pooper scooper (IT'S FOR THE POOPIES!), and a baby front pack (Gingy: "I know the baby will love it, because I DO!").

16. Not politically correct: Are Pinnocchio and Gingy gay together?

17. Just wondering. No offense.

18. Then Charming attacks the palace, and Fiona and the girls escape. So Charming comes in, finds the sidekicks drinking tea, and threatens Gingy, who's life flashes before his eyes.
BEST SCENE IN THE WHOLE MOVIE! All of sudden he's singing, "...the lollipops....the candy shop..."

19. Pinnocchio has very good logic. He's very smart. "I don't know where he's not..." "So you KNOW where he is..." "*something very smart*"

20. Some Monty Python guy does the voice of Merlin.

21. So Fiona and the princesses are captured, Rapunzel turns out to be evil (totally should have seen that coming...), and then there's this whole feminist thing about them breaking out and saving the day, yo.

22. There's so many MESSAGES in this movie. "Dads who leave kids suck. Be yourself. You can do ANYTHING. Feminists rule. Frogs have nine lives." It was like watching "Seventh Heaven".

23. Like ARties lil speech at the end, "You don't have to be villains. You can be whatever you want to be. Only YOU are standing in your way. *points to Rumpelstiltskin*" "Me?" "LET'S GET HIM!"

24. I thought Artie would do something much more impressive. Like sing "Sexyback" in a drunken voice. "I'm bringing shexyback..."

25. I started singing it during his boring speech.

26. Lol, Shrek had all these dreams about having babies. i thought they were cute. A mountain of babies pours into his hut, and then he's speaking to a crowd of babies, and he's naked, and they're all cute and laughing. Awwwww.

27. And at the end, he has triplets, and they're ADORABLE. The bald one is, anyway.

28. I love the names of Donkey's children. He has five...there's Cocoa, Peanut, and Bananas, and he didn't say the others... :(

So it wasn't great. But it was a good cynical little cartoon movie. I love this franchise, but by the time "Shrek 4" comes out, I will have moved on.