Sitting atop the crap heap

Wow. I've said so many times this year that 14 sucks, and you're probably getting annoyed and want me to, I don't know, get counseling or something, but I gotta say it again: 14 sucks SERIOUS BALLS. It's partly my fault, too. I guess I'm just setting myself up for failure. Ugh, I just feel a lot of pressure from all sides and school, the one thing that helped me take my mind off things, is just as bad.
It might have started with the disastrous parent/teacher conference this morning, but yesterday wasn't fun either. I just started stressing and I blew up, made decisions, changed my mind a million times, and got really tired. Like bone weary.
Aaaaaaaagh conference so NOT successful. I think my actual problem is I just really hate people, and I hate it when people get in my business. I'm sitting at the table cryin, and my teacher and my mom are all up in my face going, "Why are you doing so bad at school, Lauren? We know you can do it. Do you need help? We're going to get help." Aaaaargh I DON'T WANT HELP. How come whenever I ask for help it's never given or it's unsatisfactory, but when I want to go it alone people are jumping on my back offering tissues and counseling sessions. It was way depressing. Somehow I really don't think talking to a counselor is going to help me. I'm just going through a permanent stage of PMS that's not going to change any time soon.
French pisses me off. Really. I'm so sick of that class and some of the people in it and the teaching, so I was started stewing and not participating and dissing Mr. Caley under my breath, and Chelsea got pretty mad and moved seats.
I can only say thank God for my friends because I was really tired and depressedish in Pre-AP but then all my friends started cracking me up and being helpful in a non-direct way so that felt better.
Does stress increase or decrease estrogen? Cuz I'm full of something and it's driving me crazy. I miss the endorphins. Cutting yourself is so not worth it, but if I can get the endorphins back I'll be happy. Aaaaaagh I'm just all failurish, but then I'm also just feeling REALLY sorry for myself and being the victim and cursing 14, and I honestly don't want to deal with anything. I'd rather just sleep and let it get worse while I stay uninvolved, detached, aloof (Pre-AP word), crap like that.
I better get used to the view from the crap heap, though, because I still have 57 days before I feel like any of this is going to get better.