Pick Your Political Party (I dare you to say that 5 times fast)

GAAAAAAAAH I hate politics. Hey, maybe THAT'S my gift. THAT'S WHAT MY BIG MOUTH IS FOR! POLITICS! OH THANK YOU LORD! It might be...but I thought writing was? Eh. I don't know. It's probably cuz I've been thinking politically since...yesterday.
BUT ANYWAY.
I guess I have no political party.
Wait that came out wrong.
I mean, if I were 18 (which I'm not and probably never will be...wait), I'd vote Republican, but I looked up stuff on Libertarians and Independents and I agree with what they say.
(WARNING!!!: The following is just a bunch of political junk. If you don't want to be bored out of your very existence, stop reading here.)
Libertarian: Believe the government's job is to protect us from initiating force or whatever (I read all of this at school, yet when I go on Google at my house, that website doesn't show), not use that force to make decisions, even if it is for our "own good". People that do stupid things should be held accountable (I think...WHERE IS THAT GAY WEBSITE?). (Only downside, they think pot is okay. And they also said that if someone watches a porno, and then commits sexual assault, it's the assault they should be punished for, which I agree with, but they make it sound like porno's okay. Um...what if I think differently? Still, most of it sounded really good. Only there are pacifist Libertarians and militant Libertarians, and I'm not really...either.)
Independent: Want to reduce immigration (FINALLY), and stop all government subsidies to illegal aliens; no driver’s licenses for illegals (this was the part I got stuck on: I mean, they finally got here. Doesn't that defeat the purpose? And what if they've already become American citizens. AM I THINKING WRONG ABOUT THIS?), restore a debt free money system, uphold traditional marriage and family values (HALLELUJAH), protect the right to life of the innocent unborn (YES! YES! I TOLD YOU ABORTION WAS MURDER!), and stop the undeclared wars which are daily costing American lives and billions of tax dollars (I don't know EXACTLY what this means, but it sounds like the war in Iraq...which I kind of support...uh oh...).
So it's like I'm choosing between ice cream flavors, only instead of chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry, I've got Reagan, Less Government, and Family Values For Everyone.
Only 4 years to figure it out...