Reality Checks for Lovesick Teenagers

I'm actually in a fairly good mood, not bitter at all.
For the most part.
Just very sarcastic and a little cynical.
But only a little.
Musicals were a great invention. That and 80's music. Seriously, are William and I the only people who thought Huey Lewis was black?
But yeah. This is me trying to be funny.

1. For guys: Everyone has an excretory system.
Meaning the girl you think about day and night takes a dump every now and again. Heck, she's probably taking one right now. And, being perfectly honest, they *gasp* FART, too! I know you didn't want to hear it, but it had to be said. My point is: nobody's perfect. And they sometimes smell gross.

2. For girls: Though all teenage boys play guitar, most of them don't play it that well.
So don't be expecting any Joe Jonas-esque love songs. They're probably still struggling with "Smoke on the Water"...and love songs are the last things on their mind, for various reasons.

3. For guys: Of course she gets moody once a month.
What else did you expect? Here's what I suggest: either run and hide or LEAVE HER ALONE. And just because she's a nightmare now doesn't mean she stopped "loving" you. WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO MAKE HER FEEL BETTER. THIS COULD RESULT IN WEEPING, GNASHING OF TEETH, AND/OR DEATH.

4. For girls: He's going to stare at other girls.
There are some cases where he can't help it. If you're really bothered by it, start wearing shorter skirts. (To Christians: Sorry, just kidding!)

5. For girls: Do NOT overanalyze every conversation.
There is NOT a hidden message, spelling either, "I love you," or, "I hate you," behind every sentence of his. He usually just means what he says.

6. For guys: Yes, she really is talking about you in the bathroom
But you already knew that.

7. For guys: She'd rather hear, "You're beautiful," than, "You look hot."
Because the latter makes you sound stupid. And sort of sleazy. Unless you WANT to grow up to be a 40-year-old virgin/lecher.

8. For girls: Be glad that he has guy friends.
Sure, you freak out when he'd rather hang out with his male companions than you, but all that estrogen can be cloying after a little while. And don't be worried that he's really in the closet and is sneaking away to be with his boyfriend: it's not true. If he wants to hang out with other girls, however, then you've got a problem...but I digress.

9. For guys: Sports are boring. So are cars.
Yeah, some girls like them, but for the most part, Nascar and March Madness don't get them excited. So don't dwell on those subjects, please.

10. For both: THIS IS NOT LOVE.
It's mostly just hormones and other things. You will not marry this person. You will break up sooner or later, and may or may not remain friends.

Yep. Exactly. And this is coming from "Dr. Love".
That was super entertaining, though. Immature and fun. But now I have to go to bed.

All the world's a stage

"As You Like It" is my new favorite Shakespeare play.
The movie, with Bryce Dallas Howard, is pretty fantastic.
And it doesn't turn into a giant orgy like "A Midsummer Night's Dream"!
Bryce Dallas Howard is a good actress when she's not in a creepy Shyamalan role.
But it was so cute, and funny,
A lion randomly jumps out and mauls Orlando?
Jacques is the bomb. There's nothing wrong with being melancholy.
I'm going to read every Shakespeare play by the end of the school year.
Janessa's party was pretty crazy, what with all the cake and "Grease" and what not.
Then Kristine, Sierra, John, and I consumed large amounts of pork and ice cream.
But not together.
Worship team was weird this morning. It was like no one was feeling it.
Crappy teenage fiction is making me insane.

At least have the balls to say it to my face

Ugh. Frustrating.
The wonderful little youth band told us to come to church at 8:00 AM, so we could "practice".
Turns out that not all of us needed to be there and it was going to be an acoustic session (meaning only the regulars got to play).
Ooookay.
The messed-up thing was the ADULT leader knew NOTHING about this, but the TEENAGE leader did. And his excuse was, "Oh, I forgot," and, "I tried to call some people."
Right. Thanks.
So we "practiced" and they just ignored me and William the entire time. Even if I had a question, it wouldn't get answered unless one of The Chosen Ones spoke up and asked the same thing.
Then, when it came time to play, there's no room for me and William on the stage and they haven't communicated to us AT ALL. It's a wonderful feeling, being ignored.
Screw those people. I'm so freaking finished with them.
And they did the EXACT same thing when Sierra went and she never wants to go back.
I don't blame her.
It's just SO STUPID; they keep asking to people to "volunteer", because "maybe God is calling you", but when people show up, they ostracize them!!!
Seriously, what's even the point?

Why don't you just drop dead?

I don't blame you for being you,
But you can't blame me for hating it.
So say, what are you waiting for?
Kiss her, kiss
I set my clocks early cuz I know I'm always late.
Forget "The Carpal Tunnel of Love". This is my new favorite song.
Except for the vampires.
"You call yourselves hunters??"
"Oh yeah? Why don't you be the bait next time!!"
Yeah.
That was stuck in my head all during church.
In church, we're starting a series about Heaven, which is pretty sweet. Saint Peter will NOT meet you at the Pearly Gates. "When she was 5, she killed a bird with a stone." That sucks.
Yeah, go Dad!
Abigail Breslin cannot dance. She's worse than me!
I always hate going to the library and having the librarians give me weird looks when I check out 3 or 4 Pony Pals books. They don't say anything, though, thank goodness. Actually, though, that would make things less awkward. "*giggle* You like ponies?" "*glare of death* They're for my daughter."
MWAHAHAHA that would be so uncomfortable, but it would probably shut them up.
Except I think my age is on my library card...not sure.
Wouldn't want them to think I'm a teen parent.
Or would I?
Only 2 more Pony Pals and then they're done forever!!!
Sacreligious Ipod shuffle: To go from Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend" to Caedmon's Call's "Warrior".
That's. Messed. Up.

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone

"God Wants You to Shine" was pretty spectacular. The creepy drummer guy tries to rape Faith in a bathroom, but she runs away and her little brother protects her. It was so sweet. Then later he (the brother) gives her his autographed Yankees baseball and is all, "Whenever you look at that baseball, I want you to know I've got your back."
But she gives it back and he gleefully accepts it.
Nellie is still a horrible friend, but then she realizes that what goes on between Faith and Niles is NONE OF HER BUSINESS, and then she gets burned big time by Ethan, so Faith stays friends with her.
They adopt Faith's cousin Belle, too, because her mom got in a car accident, like in "Raising Helen" (only unlike that movie, the mom doesn't die...and they never say what happened to the dad). But they seperate Belle from her brothers...what's up with that?
INFP.
Anyways, NILES!!!!!! He just randomly comes up to Faith one day and is all, "Well, I'm going to be honest with you. I really like you. I think about you all the time. I know all of your schedule, and show up all the time in the halls."
!!!!!!!!!!!
Kind of creepy, but what teenage guy would have the balls to say that to someone's FACE?
But Faith is like, "Well, I want to still be friends with Nellie, so I can't be with you." Then she runs away.
But later, she's like, "Niles, are you dating anyone else, because I'm sort of in love with you," and Niles is all, "Sweet!!"
But they're not going out or anything.
Yet.
Faith is KIND of a Christy Miller, but a lot better and more relatable.
And she's not dating a surfer named Todd, thank goodness.
Yeah, that's how I spent my morning.
There was an article in Christianity Today that was like, "How do we save Christian bookstores? Stop making them so religious!"
So true.

Monk!!!

"He's seperating his food!" "Me seperating food."
"NO, NO, Tommy, don't do that! That's nature. It's dirty. Nature dirty, nature dirty, nature dirty." "Nature dirty!"
"Mr. Monk and the Kid" = only the best "Monk" episode ever.
Tips for avoiding Ronald McDonald:
1. Use hostile body language; hunch your shoulders, frown, etc.
2. Talk loudly about uncomfortable topics.
3. Avoid eye contact.
4. When it's your turn, order something disgusting. Also, mixing up all the condiments grosses some people out; try this on Ronald.
5. Lastly, be mean to the other employees/patrons. No one in their right mind will approach you after that.
This worked pretty well last night at the McTakeover. Well, it mostly worked, until my mom MADE EYE CONTACT!
MY FEET HURT.
A $25 B&N giftcard + $20 will buy you a lot of books.
Well, not a lot, but I'm satisfied.
I had no idea there was a sequel to "The Boyfriend List", but I just bought it (who knew it had come out in 2006??). It was just as good as the first one. I hate Jackson.
Ew, I bought this book "In and Out" the last time I was at a bookstore and it was so stupid, but I bought the sequel anyway, because it was about boys and awkward situations. Mwahahaha. Only they try to make it seem like the popular girl is this really mean, ditzy person and her loser BFF is the sympathetic character, when in reality the loser is relaly clingy and whiny and the popular girl is kind of stupid but actually acts like a normal teenage girl.
And, lastly, "Fake Boyfriend"!!! It has a Ken doll on the cover! Kind of excited....
It's my dad's birthday today. And Tyler's, I guess?
Ow, feet hurt.
Well, I'm officially 5'9". The measuring stick I've been using at school for three years is WRONG.
If anyone makes a comment about how tall I am, I swear I'm going to kill myself.
In that case, comment away.

Let's all become doctors!!

Aaaaagh too much drama in this house. I had two major fights with my dad and then one with my mom this morning. :P It sucks. They're calling me out on a respect issue and complaining all the time. Or at least yesterday.
I do feel pretty bad, and they're actually right, but I don't feel like they're taking any of the blame. Yeah, typical teenage thing to say. Whatever. They're telling me about all this stuff I did and I recall them doing the same thing in this situation. What's up with that? We're supposed to have this big talk today so my dad and I can resolve all our issues. So not looking forward to that, because I'll just explode again and that will mean more "talks", but if I'm all meek and begging to be forgiven, well, that's not honest now, is it? :P Aaargh.
School was actually pretty awesome, tho. I got to skip French (altho I heard they watched a movie. Awww.) and the rest of the day was pretty fun. I learneded!
Yeah. School is amazing. I want to live at school like Harry Potter. And take more than one language.
Yay, I finally got my book journal back, so I got to finish with stupid "Stardust". Ugh, lamest book ever. Well, not lamest, but it was a letdown. I had pretty high expectations for it. "Golden Compass" rocks.
I had to write a thank-you note today. Then everyone else copied it.
Science was cool. Did a lab. Awesome.
Yeaaaaaah, if vampires don't drink blood, what DO they do??
If the movie is better than the book, didn't the author fail? Because you can't make a book from a movie (unless it's one of those junior novelizations). It's sort of implied that if there's a movie being made from it, the book was amazing. I'm thinking of movies that were better than the books.
1. Eragon (sadly, and the movie was pretty awful, but Murtagh was a hottie)
2. Ella Enchanted (sorry)
I guess that's only two examples. As Mrs. Sims would say, not enough evidence. But I was totally looking forward to the transvestite pirate in "Stardust" and I guess that's only in the movie.
Aaaaaagh All-District tonight. Please no, please no. But yes. I'm forced to go. I have the sudden urge to dance to "All For One". That's like my new favorite song. Besides "Earthquake".