Reality Checks for Lovesick Teenagers

I'm actually in a fairly good mood, not bitter at all.
For the most part.
Just very sarcastic and a little cynical.
But only a little.
Musicals were a great invention. That and 80's music. Seriously, are William and I the only people who thought Huey Lewis was black?
But yeah. This is me trying to be funny.

1. For guys: Everyone has an excretory system.
Meaning the girl you think about day and night takes a dump every now and again. Heck, she's probably taking one right now. And, being perfectly honest, they *gasp* FART, too! I know you didn't want to hear it, but it had to be said. My point is: nobody's perfect. And they sometimes smell gross.

2. For girls: Though all teenage boys play guitar, most of them don't play it that well.
So don't be expecting any Joe Jonas-esque love songs. They're probably still struggling with "Smoke on the Water"...and love songs are the last things on their mind, for various reasons.

3. For guys: Of course she gets moody once a month.
What else did you expect? Here's what I suggest: either run and hide or LEAVE HER ALONE. And just because she's a nightmare now doesn't mean she stopped "loving" you. WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO MAKE HER FEEL BETTER. THIS COULD RESULT IN WEEPING, GNASHING OF TEETH, AND/OR DEATH.

4. For girls: He's going to stare at other girls.
There are some cases where he can't help it. If you're really bothered by it, start wearing shorter skirts. (To Christians: Sorry, just kidding!)

5. For girls: Do NOT overanalyze every conversation.
There is NOT a hidden message, spelling either, "I love you," or, "I hate you," behind every sentence of his. He usually just means what he says.

6. For guys: Yes, she really is talking about you in the bathroom
But you already knew that.

7. For guys: She'd rather hear, "You're beautiful," than, "You look hot."
Because the latter makes you sound stupid. And sort of sleazy. Unless you WANT to grow up to be a 40-year-old virgin/lecher.

8. For girls: Be glad that he has guy friends.
Sure, you freak out when he'd rather hang out with his male companions than you, but all that estrogen can be cloying after a little while. And don't be worried that he's really in the closet and is sneaking away to be with his boyfriend: it's not true. If he wants to hang out with other girls, however, then you've got a problem...but I digress.

9. For guys: Sports are boring. So are cars.
Yeah, some girls like them, but for the most part, Nascar and March Madness don't get them excited. So don't dwell on those subjects, please.

10. For both: THIS IS NOT LOVE.
It's mostly just hormones and other things. You will not marry this person. You will break up sooner or later, and may or may not remain friends.

Yep. Exactly. And this is coming from "Dr. Love".
That was super entertaining, though. Immature and fun. But now I have to go to bed.