Shakespeare romp turns into suckfest

Kenneth Branagh. You were doing SO GOOD.
"Much Ado About Nothing" started off great.
Except for the giant bathing orgy, where the women started stripping down and rubbing each other with shampoo, and the men wildly ripped off their clothes and swung like Tarzan on a vine into the public fountain.
And you got to see EVERYTHING.
Those were DEFINITElY pubes.
And Keanu Reeves can't act to save his life. He is POSITIVELY terrible. His first big scene found him on a massage table wearing nothing but leather pants, though he quickly became angry and began to fondle his henchmen. The whole homoerotic vibe wasn't helping. "Betruchio! Rub me with oils while I describe my evil personality!"
And that guy from "House" was in it and I kept thinking, "Peter from 'Swing Kids'! Peter from 'Swing Kids'!" When things got slow, I whipped out my trusty umbrella and began screaming, "Swingheil! Swingheil!"
He, too, was a terrible actor. When he grew upset, he chose to destroy scenery and cry rather than fondle men.
When Emma Thompson and Kenneth Branagh were together, the movie was great. Even when they were apart, they had some great comedic scenes.
And I don't know who to blame for this, Shakespeare or Branagh, but those two characters reconciled their differences a little too quickly for my taste, and suddenly disappeared from the movie's plot for at least a little while.
MICHAEL KEATON WASN'T FUNNY! I suppose it might be to some, but his Patchy the Pirate impression didn't really do it for me. It was sort of distracting and stupid and unnecessary and he, Keanu Reeves, and Robert Sean "Swingheil" Leonard should have all jumped off a cliff together to rid the world of such talentless scum.
Actually, they'd have to take Brad Pitt, too. And Tom Cruise. And John Travolta. And George Clooney. And the Jonas Brothers.
I can't decide whether it was better or worse than "A Midsummer Night's Dream". I hated that movie, and the fact that it was practically a 2-hour long Shakespearean porno. But this one was so disappointing and just as nude.
And somehow, Kenneth Branagh managed to pull of "As You Like It", one of my favorite movies of all time.
Grrr....