Good weekend so far...for a change.

"Bandslam" was not too bad.
Pretty cute. I liked the music.
And the fact that he was obsessed with David Bowie.
Screw Michael Jackson, he's the real king of pop!
Vanessa Hudgens was pretty enjoyable. The 5 is silent.
I bought two of the songs. I can't go on, I'll go on!
"Someone To Fall Back On" is my new favorite song.
Even though it's Aly Michalka.
Wanna know what's terrible?
Judging from my taste in movies, chances are I'll end up alone.
Or with a girl.
I HATE guy movies.
Hate them.
I like "Star Wars" and "Spaceballs" and "Vantage Point"...that's about it.
I'd rather watch chick flicks, or musicals.
Yet my best friend's GIRLFRIEND has a girlier taste in movies than I do.
This is stereotyping, and completely awful, but why is it that her favorite movies include "A Walk to Remember", "The Notebook" and "A Cinderella Story", and she's a lesbian?
I laughed my butt off during "The Notebook". The only Romantic Comedy on the list that I liked was "10 Things I Hate About You", and she HATED IT.
And yeah, different people like different movies.
But I hate most standard girl fare.
Oh well.
Good worship session! HORNS! They're too cool for earbuds. Uh-oh. Livin dangerous.
I helped my parents with their 4/5 year old Sunday school class. Cute kids.
Only one of them didn't get picked up after Sunday School!
So we went on a mission to find his family, but we couldn't find them.
And we tried to find his little sister, but she'd already been picked up.
Turns out his older brother had picked up the little sister and then stood around talking with his friends FOR HALF AN HOUR.
The kid was FREAKING OUT! He finally started crying and said, "I'll NEVER get to go home!"
We told him there was no way his parents forgot him, and he said, "But they forget things! Maybe they forgot and they're coming back."
It was so sad! But also kind of funny, the way he said it.
They picked him up. He got a hug. It was okay.
And he turned his back on us AND WALKED AWAY.
They grow up so fast...
Then Tie and I went on a walk and were attacked by an elderly Dachsund.
That's the second time this week.

It's obviously Anti-Semitic!

"Jesus Christ Superstar" is better than Godspell.
Sort of.
I mean, it's far superior musically, storywise, and ended becoming more famous.
But it's not wonder other Christians hate it.
And I wasn't crazy about it.
I cried a lot during it, though.
Pilate's dream, Mary Magdalene's solo, The Last Supper, nearly every time Judas sang, you name it.
And yet, not a lot during the crucifixion.
After, yeah. But not during.
The whole thing was...weird, and definitely verging on blasphemous.
But I was reading about some of the stuff religious groups didn't like about the movie, and some of the stuff was inconsequential compared to other BIG things.
Jews didn't like it because it blamed Jesus' death on the Jews.
Um, well, yeah, it was mainly Jewish people that called for his death.
And it was the Jewish high priests that wanted him dead in the first place.
It's not as if Andrew Lloyd Weber and Tim Rice are raging Anti-Semites who want you all dead.
Blame Hitler if you need to. He was one.
Or other Christians freaking out because Pilate didn't have the dream about Jesus in the Bible! His wife did!
Wow...you would think those people would object to the fact that the movie states that Jesus WASN'T THE SON OF GOD and that Judas WAS JUSTIFIED.
Anyone who's read this blog for a long time knows I think Judas was a sympathetic character.
But I don't think Judas betrayed Jesus for the good of the people, or that he was right about Jesus being a liar.
And Jesus, for the larger part of the film, was portrayed as a petulant, spoiled, ambitious, hypocritical loser.
Then, later, it showed him doubting.
Both he and Jesus ended up yelling at God and showing him to be a cold God who either doesn't care about us or doesn't exist.
Then the disciples, right before he was crucified, started wondering if all he wanted was attention or perhaps an effective way to prove his point and didn't realize the consequences.
Most of the disciples were shown as misguided punks who deserved better.
Then Jesus is dead.
His disciples do NOT carry him around the city singing, "Long Live God".
Instead, he's dead. They mourn. They scatter. And that's all there is.
Wow. How depressing.
My dad won't admit it, but he loved it. He knows all the songs.
My mom hates it. Probably because it's "Anti-Semitic".
I'm undecided.
I watched "Les Miserables" yesterday, though, and LOVED it.
Mmm, Hans Matheson.
I can't tell if Claire Danes is really pretty or really odd looking.
Maybe both?
Geoffrey Rush was scary. I managed to stop screaming, "Barbossa! Barbossa!" midway through the movie.
The suicide was a little overdramatic.
And Liam Neeson somehow walked away from that encounter unscathed, not emotionally traumatized at all.
But, overall, great movie.
I haven't gotten any farther in the book. There's a large section on Waterloo that keeps mocking me.
Ugggggggh I would love to skip that part, but I'm scared I'll miss something important.
I leave for Colorado tomorrow night. We'll be gone for a week and a half.
WOOOO!!! I'm excited.

Venting, venting, one, two three

Awesome. So I'm a terrible friend.
Because I get a ride home with my neighbor ONCE IN A WHILE, not every day, but when she does pick me up, it's like I have to race in order to guarantee my spot.
Because my other friend wants a ride.
Even though she lives 10 minutes out of the way, while I live across the street from my neighbor, so she's acting like winner gets a ride home when IT'S MY RIDE. NO ONE SAID YOU COULD GET A RIDE HOME.
But unless they say, "Get out of the car, you moron," she doesn't get out. And they feel bad for making her get out. I mean, it's not her fault....
Ugh. It didn't make me so mad before, because I don't mind walking, but when I'm expecting a ride home from school and all my friends have ALREADY LEFT and I want to play with the BABIES on my nice, restful RIDE HOME, it's frustrating to have my friend go, "So sad. I got here first. Have a nice walk!"
Today, she handed me a stack of CDs she'd borrowed from me (at least 15 of them), and said, "Yeah, it sucks that you'll have to carry those home. While you walk, I mean."
!!!!!!!!!!
And she offered to walk home with me to "help" carry them....
....but she didn't offer to give up her nice, comfy seat in the car, now, did she?
And apparently she's mad at me, so she feels good about taking my seat.
But whenever we hang out she acts like everything's fine.
Whatever. I'll just ride with my mom and/or walk until the end of the school yaer.
Thankfully I won't have to deal with it next year.
Sorry. It's just been irritating me all day, that she's been doing this, but whenever I show up at the car first, she CRIES. Okay, not in front of me, but she feels like crap. And she tells her mom. Who calls my mom.
Which is ridiculous.
So I'm the villain here. It's all my fault. Bad Lauren.
13 more days!
Awards ceremony!
CK graduation?
Can't go to that, even if I wanted to.
Soren's leaving. :(
Rosey's retiring. :(
"Bless Me Ultima" sucks, as does "Swing Kids".
Some stupid kids FREAKED OUT while we were watching "Swing Kids" today, because they commented on Count Basie's music, and how the Count was a "negro".
All 12 of them, NOT ONE OF THEM BLACK, kept saying, "Awwww man, that's JACKED UP!! How could they say that? That is SO MESSED UP! I can't believe they SAID THAT. It's a DISNEY movie!"
Hello? That's what they said back then!
And it's not like they said the other n-word, or "colored", or "coon", or anything like that!
And it was all the Filipino kids saying this. The black kids didn't CARE!
Oversensitive much?
Ha ha ha. I'm going to sign that petition. Because David Bose told me to.
Everything but marriage!

With a love like that, you know should be...

GLAD!!!
The parade wasn't bad today.
It went really well.
And it was fun.
It always is, though. Everyone makes a big deal about how hot it is and how much they hate marching, and then they get to the parade and instantly perk up.
Marching in those hot uniforms in heat = not so much fun.
We sounded okay until the last leg of the parade.
By then we were too chopped and tired to play all that well.
And my trombone, which isn't that heavy, suddenly seemed to weigh a billion pounds.
But there was Living Water and chocolate Drumsticks to look forward to.
Mmm.
Jake loved the parade. Charlie slept. Isabelle liked it for the most part, until the iron fist of discipline came down for no particular reason.
My mom's Mother's Day present finally arrived.
We bought her the first season of BBC's "Robin Hood".
Being BBC and all, we were expecting something semi-spectacular.
The show isn't completely awful.
But it was made by (and probably for) guys.
Robin Hood is always fighting, scoring with some random chick, or making a statement.
He went on for an entire episode about how war is bad and we should be giving to the poor and how injustice will not be tolerated.
The Sheriff then countered that he was just upholding the law, and told Robin Hood that everyone needs laws and structure, so really the bad guy was Robin Hood.
Please. What a subtle allegory.
Crusades = war in Iraq. Giving to poor = better health care. Sheriff = George W. Bush.
So Robin Hood himself is pretty annoying. And he has a spectacular cleft chin.
But there are plenty of other reasons to keep watching the show.
Like Guy of Gisbourne is Jack Thornton from "North and South"!!!
And he's a bad guy with long, greasy hair, but who cares!?
His children will have such beautiful profiles.
And Much is actually sort of funny.
Will Scarlett is sort of annoying and brooding and intense, but pretty cute. With a really weak chin.
Maid Marian is a cutie, and is sort of a stereotyped "outspoken woman of the time period", but she's fairly witty and acknowledges multiple times how lacking in sex appeal Robin Hood really is.
So this show is sort of addicting.
We're on episode three. The fun continues tonight!
We see Robin Hood fight...we watch Robin Hood score...
And then he manages to do both AT THE SAME TIME!

Could I be different, too?

Nobody knows you, nobody knows you like I do.
"Lagaan" sucks. Surprise! Bollywood musical! But everyone who's seen it has apparently loved it.
The dialogue is awful, and the acting isn't much better.
:P
But "La Belle et La Bete" is pretty fantastic, for a 40's fantasy movie.
The special effects are cheesy, but kind of cool.
Except for the faces on the mantle. And the bed covers that pull back by themselves.
Just about peed my pants watching those.
The Beast is kind of a creeper, but not as much as Avenant, who practically rapes Belle in the first 5 minutes.
If she says no, it's rape!
But he apparently doesn't care.
Luckily, Ludovic walked in.
Ludovic is sort of an awful person, but a nice brother. At least to Belle.
But he tells Avenant to slap his other sister (who's crazy), so Avenant does, and then he gets all mad and is like, "HOW COULD YOU SLAP MY SISTER? WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND MY FAMILY!? NEVER TOUCH HER AGAIN! EVEN THOUGH I DON'T LIKE HER AND SORT OF WANT HER TO DIE ANYWAY!!!"
Okay.
A bunch of people are doing Running Start next year, which is a waste of time, but I can't stop them, which I want to, because it's a waste of time and other such things.
But I guess I can't stop them.
But one of my friends keeps asserting that NOTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE and that we'll still hang out ALL THE TIME and she'll GO TO PROM and everything.
But it won't be the same, and she refuses to see that, but I can't TELL HER THAT.
And she acts like I'm challenging her decision ALL THE TIME, but I haven't said anything, because she's doing it no matter what I say, so why bother?
We have new seats in English, and they suck.
Terribly.
Because all the annoying people gravitated to the same spot.
And just have fascinating conversations.

STRENGTHS FINDER!! FIND YOUR STRENGTHS!

My mom bought "Strengths Finder 2.0" and I just took the test.
My top 5 strengths are:
1. Adaptability
2. Empathy
3. Intellection
4. Connectedness
5. Developer
I was sort of skeptical of the first one, but it actually seems to fit.
Connectedness and Developer...not so much.
Some of the descriptions fit, but they make me sound like Locke on "Lost".
EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!!!!
And Developers sound like coaches. Like Mr. Freeman. Like Coach Allen.
But everything is scarily accurate.
Some of the phrases jumped out at me, and I was like, "THAT'S ME!"
Sort of like that ice-breaker game they have you play at camp.
Stuff has been happening.
Yes. Stuff. Nothing important, hence the informative noun and lack of adjectives.
Chris read the poem from "10 Things I Hate About You" a few days ago for his poetry presentation. It was genius. I did Classic Crime's "Headlights" and it didn't go over so well, so I was jealous.
Janessa's a big sister...four months early. But the baby's doing okay.
Charlie, Jake, and I were in the back seat of Toni's car, and Jake kept flashing me and Charlie was going to scream.
>:( They won't let me play with them anymore.
I'm sort of pumped for the team meeting this Sunday. Kristine and I are going to hang out beforehand, and it's fun having my closest friends there when we talk about VBS. None of them are in my group, but the people in my group are pretty cool and we get along all right...so far, anyway. And there are other people that are actually really awesome that I wish I'd hung out with before, so I'm excited to get to know them.
How very Pollyanna.
She got to eat a 6-layer cake.
Whenever I think of that movie, I think of the cakes.
And nothing else.
Mr. Basaillon shaved!!!!
He looks completely different. Before he looked like a "Brian" and now he looks like a "Brandon".
And the name "Keith" reminds me of omelettes.
But it reminds Q of zebras.
And Darle thinks we're both insane.
All the Blogthings I've missed!!! Raaaaah!
The Apostle Paul was an INTJ.
And Peter was either an ENFP or and ENFJ.
And they hated each other.
It's fun reading the letters Paul wrote...
...until he gets all logical and is like, "You were dead to the law, THEREFORE..."
It's like, "That's nice, Paul. But get back to the important stuff."
And then he gets all huffy and I have to hang out with Peter for a little while.

Hey Jude

We're playing a Beatles piece in band!
And we'll be playing it at California!
It's SWEET! "Hard Day's Night", "Michelle", "Yesterday", "I Want To Hold Your Hand", and "Hey Jude".
Trombones get melody quite a bit.
:O
Why are Alvin and the Chipmunks on itunes?
Not iTunes in general...
...MY iTunes!
Dad....
Oh, Randy Travis. Your deep baritone makes me smile.
Giddy-up jingle horse, pick up your feet, jingle around the clooooock...
He's only 5'8"!
I'm taller than Randy Travis!
I'm making a birthday mix for Jessica, even though her birthday was weeks ago.
So pack up, go home, you're through.
How could I make a man out of you????
You must be swift as the coursing river, with all the force of the great typhoon, with all the strength of a raging fire, mysterious as the dark side of THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!
Who doesn't love that song?

Babies only like good things!

Because babies are pure and beautiful and could never be naughty or treacherous!
We had little kids over yesterday, and they kept calling Sully a "babyhead".
He countered with, "Oh yeah? Well, if I'm a baby, what are you?"
Their answer: "Chickens."
I'm so glad I have a girl dog.
Yep. That's all I have to say.
She smells terrible and we can't figure out why.
Besides her love of poop as a snack and her affinity for finding and rolling in dead things.
Are people really, REALLY that stupid?
In an EXTRA long English period (:P), Mr. Rosendale explained our poetry project, that none of us have started on (even though it's due Monday).
And no one got it.
They had the freaking directions out in front of them, yet none of them thought to read it.
Then they'd ask for ALL THE DETAILS AT ONCE, and, once given that information, would start hyperventilating!
"Too many details! Sensory overload! I'm confused! I don't get it!"
So frustrating. And they wasted the whole freaking period.
But Mr. Macaras let us sit outside after the quiz. Best math ever.
It's so hot outside. They say it will rain the rest of the week.
Oh well. 70 degrees in April is nice...
BBC did a terrible version of "Sense and Sensibility", and Betty Buckley ruined "Seasons of Love" for me forever.
:(
WHY?????????

What a dreadful prospect

What has poor Armand done to be condemnded to matrimony?
Why did the Day of Silence T-shirts have to be yellow?
The Day of Silence itself was good.
I didn't talk until lunch. And I sort of stopped being silent during 5th period.
But I got the point across. Sort of.
It was so stupid how many people were like, "I talked! I can't stay silent again all day! I'm such a failure!"
They could have always been, "Oh darn. Well, here I go again." There's no rule that says if you break the protest, you can't take part in it again. It's pretty hard to do anyway, keeping completely silent all day long.
Apparently some people got a lot of crap for doing it. I didn't get any, except for my math teacher jokingly saying he couldn't hear me when I gave the answers on my hands.
But I didn't get any homophobic comments, like a couple people did.
One girl got called a fag, which doesn't even make sense.
I met a couple of bisexuals who were like, "Aagh, I hate super religious people who make rude comments! It's not like two men can't be happy."
But he apologized when I was like, "Well...I'm a Christian."
Even though what he's saying is technically true.
But I mentioned what the Bible does say about man + man = happiness.
Because, even though the Bible thumpers aren't exactly nice about the Day of Silence, they're right when they say it's wrong, according to the Bible.
But then we talked about loving your neighbor and such.
And he'd never heard that part before.
Hmmm....
I wasn't the only Christian at the party, or the only one participating, which was nice.
A bunch of my Christian friends were either like, "I tolerate homosexuality, but I can't condone it," so they didn't participate.
And a couple were like, "No one should ever be made to feel worthless. I'm doing this for all people being bullied."
And a couple were like, "I feel REALLY strongly about this, so I'm going to participate."
We ended the day with a delicious cake Ed made, homemade frosting and everything.
And that was that.
"Hello Dolly" is a great movie and all, but I had forgotten how long it is.
Two hours of singing and ten minute dance sequences.
At least there wasn't any trippy ballet interludes with Gene Kelly and Cyd Charisse, or worse: Jud, Laurey, and Curly.
Not that those aren't loads of fun, or anything.
Ew, my dad played Jud in high school. How gross is that?
Pre-nose job Barbra Streisand is somewhat of a babe.
"Out There" reminds me so much of "Wall-E". William and I were singing along, and my dad kept asking, "How do you know this?"
Please. I only watched this movie five times in first grade.
Ew, Walter Matthau is so lame. And sort of tone deaf. And they had no chemistry. She was much too sparkly and fabulous for him.
Tommy Tune is ginormous!!!!
Speaking of music, I got out "Letters to the President" and started listening to it again.
Oh, the memories.
And those fantastic summers where we went to concerts all the time and screamed the lyrics to "Sadie Hawkins Dance".
That might have just been one summer.
And probably not that fantastic.
But the nostalgia made me a little nauseous.

Where are those cliches when I need them?

Why is Jamie Lee Curtis at my library? WHY?
"Outliers" sounds like a cool book.
There is no such thing as an overnight success.
Which we knew. But we needed Malcolm Gladwell to put it into words.
Isn't it cool when you meet a fictional character who could very well be your soulmate?
Okay, that makes me sound creepy and pathetic.
But I don't mean romantic soulmate.
I mean, they say something profound, or maybe just mundane, and you go, "EXACTLY! How did you know how I felt? You're not even real!!!!"
And then, if you're me, you determine their personality type and discover it's the same as yours.
Yes. It's true. I'm sorry.
But Hope McNeill could be my soulmate.
The pugs! Ugg boots! New York! Telling our moms everything!
It makes sense.
"The Dead Poet's Society" was overrated.
To be blunt: I hated it.
Someone was going to kill themselves. Or at least, I knew someone was going to die. As was proved when, right before watching the movie, some girl protested, "I can't watch this movie. It's SOOOOOOOO sad."
Hm. I wonder what that means?
And it's a group of teenage boys. And they're horny. And they're studying poetry religiously.
One of them is going to die.
But why did it have to be Neil???
I didn't like Neil!!!
It was really sad. REALLY sad. I mean, he felt like he had no other option, and the only place he felt free was on the stage, but even that had been taken away from him.
So he blew his brains out.
And it was disturbing. Kevin laughed and all that crying girls refused to speak to him all day.
But I cried more over Angel, and I knew that was coming.
I cried more over Arvid, and that movie was terrible.
And the ending. :P Whatever.
We wanted closure!!

Tyler, you were wrong about those guys

RyRy is pretty gross.
Tony's nothing special.
Aaron's nice, though.
Why is he toasting me?
Ewwwww, you were right about Corey, though.
Other non-Tyler related junk:
Another rousing Sims session today. Finally, some Family Sims! They're always the most fun. And I'm thisclose to fulfilling Lilly's Lifetime Want, which I've never done before, so that's pretty thrilling.
WSU in...2 days!
SO PUMPED.
Yeah, I get to see my brother.
And the campus.
But I'm pretty excited about eating out.
And getting a new T-shirt.
Sorry, Nathan.
Do you know those people who accidentally type profanities (for example: missing the r in "T-shirt") and laugh hysterically, then show EVERYONE what they've done. "GUYS! Hey GUYS! Look what I typed! *giggle giggle*"
Um, yes. Hilarious.
Ew, my mom and I watched a really, really terrible remake of "Pride and Prejudice" that took place in Utah.
And I kept remembering all of Justin's Mormon jokes.
And I couldn't help but laugh.
I love how he's an out and proud Mormon...but knows more Mormon jokes than anyone else.
That tends to be the case, though, right?
"She Gets What She Wants" is hysterical. "Mean Girls" was lauded for being witty and "right on", but "She Gets What She Wants" is just as funny, if not funnier, since I hated "Mean Girls".
It's just less subtle. And very Texas.

Be dumb! It works!

Excellent book.
Perverted and sort of icky, but at least interesting.
He was 23!!!
Elizabeth Gaskell was (and is) overrated. BBC seems to be in love with her, but she's not that great.
Not that I've actually read her stuff.
But I plan to.
And the movies I've seen based on her work, that apparently stay very true to the books?
Not impressed.
"North and South" was a lot better than "Wives and Daughters".
But it still seemed like she had to pull a rabbit out of a hat to get the desired ending.
And she made all these random subplots that never went anywhere.
Take "North and South" for instance. Her brother is a CRIMINAL and will be KILLED if anyone finds out he's in England. A drunk catches him leaving the train station and almost turns him in, but Fred pushes him down the stairs and he later dies, making Fred not only a mutineer, but a MURDERER.
And, as you're waiting impatiently, wanting to know what will happen to him, Margaret (the main character) makes a side comment about him being happily married in Spain, and that's THAT. You never hear from him again.
Seems like a bunch of unnecessary drama.
Ugh, I HAAAATED Margaret soooooooooooo much. She was like a homeschooler on CRACK - everything she did was offensive, and she made no effort to try to understand people and the Northern culture. And Elizabeth Gaskell's main characters are always praised for speaking their minds in a time when women had no rights and being revolutionary and forthright and whatnot, but you didn't get the impression that Margaret was outspoken or revolutionary - just irritating. And out of ALL the characters, she grew the LEAST. Sure, she changed her opinion about the mill owner, but only because he was so dang attractive (mmmmmhmmm), and every stupid decision she made was justified by her idiot father, even if she disobeyed him by INVITING HER CRIMINAL BROTHER INTO THE COUNTRY!!!!!!!!!!!!
John Thornton was a much better male lead than Roger "Moron" whatever-his-last-name-is.
The ending was really epic. Margaret randomly inherits money from her father's old friend, after EVERYONE ELSE DIES (seriously, at least 6 main characters kick the bucket), and moves back to London.
But, when she's riding away in the carriage after saying goodbye to Thornton, he's watching her go, almost crying, saying, "Look back. Look back at me."
But she doesn't. Because she's an idiot.
Then she moves to London with her gross aunt and her ditzy best friend and the creepy stalker with GROSS sideburns who had been stalking her since the beginning of the movie, and was STILL pouting over her rejecting his proposal!!!
Then Thornton loses the mill, but he and Higgins are best friends, so that's okay. Margaret makes a lot more money and buys the mill and visits Milton, where Thornton's mom chews her out for rejecting HER son as well, and Margaret's like, "Well, he IS rather attractive..."
ANYWAY, the epic part: she's on a train back to London, and Thornton's on a train back to Milton from Helstone (long story), and they both have a delay and their trains end up right next to each other, so they both leap out of the trains and start making out on a bench, while Henry "Gross sideburns" Lennox pouts in his car. Then Margaret goes into the train with Thornton and its a wonderfully happy ending with icky sideburns going home that night - ALONE!
And that's pretty much been my entire Spring Break, so far.
Besides graduating my Sims from college (finally) and spending time at the beach with my family.
My grandparents have been married 57 years. 57 YEARS. That's a long time.
Beaches are awesome. Even when it's a balmy 47 degrees outside with freezing winds.

Shakespeare romp turns into suckfest

Kenneth Branagh. You were doing SO GOOD.
"Much Ado About Nothing" started off great.
Except for the giant bathing orgy, where the women started stripping down and rubbing each other with shampoo, and the men wildly ripped off their clothes and swung like Tarzan on a vine into the public fountain.
And you got to see EVERYTHING.
Those were DEFINITElY pubes.
And Keanu Reeves can't act to save his life. He is POSITIVELY terrible. His first big scene found him on a massage table wearing nothing but leather pants, though he quickly became angry and began to fondle his henchmen. The whole homoerotic vibe wasn't helping. "Betruchio! Rub me with oils while I describe my evil personality!"
And that guy from "House" was in it and I kept thinking, "Peter from 'Swing Kids'! Peter from 'Swing Kids'!" When things got slow, I whipped out my trusty umbrella and began screaming, "Swingheil! Swingheil!"
He, too, was a terrible actor. When he grew upset, he chose to destroy scenery and cry rather than fondle men.
When Emma Thompson and Kenneth Branagh were together, the movie was great. Even when they were apart, they had some great comedic scenes.
And I don't know who to blame for this, Shakespeare or Branagh, but those two characters reconciled their differences a little too quickly for my taste, and suddenly disappeared from the movie's plot for at least a little while.
MICHAEL KEATON WASN'T FUNNY! I suppose it might be to some, but his Patchy the Pirate impression didn't really do it for me. It was sort of distracting and stupid and unnecessary and he, Keanu Reeves, and Robert Sean "Swingheil" Leonard should have all jumped off a cliff together to rid the world of such talentless scum.
Actually, they'd have to take Brad Pitt, too. And Tom Cruise. And John Travolta. And George Clooney. And the Jonas Brothers.
I can't decide whether it was better or worse than "A Midsummer Night's Dream". I hated that movie, and the fact that it was practically a 2-hour long Shakespearean porno. But this one was so disappointing and just as nude.
And somehow, Kenneth Branagh managed to pull of "As You Like It", one of my favorite movies of all time.
Grrr....

Bestiality abounds

"Barbie and the Magic of the Pegasus": NOT okay.
That and "The Island Princess" were in the dollar bin at the rummage sale, so I bought both.
Aaaah. That movie was not kid appropriate.
The villain was a crazy polygamist!!
He'd been married three times!!
And he was an abusive husband!!
And he was so insecure that he made his wives ugly so he could boss them around and prey on their insecurities.
Great message for little girls, right?
And the little polar bear kept randomly dry-humping people, and it was supposed to be "cute".
NOT OKAY.
And the morals of the story: Take everything literally. Your parents will always love you. Abusive husbands are really insecure, balding men. Never trust a British accent. If a horse claims to be your sister, don't fight it; go with the flow.
Ugh, so frustrated with Barnes&Noble.
I had $30 worth of Barnes&Noble gift cards to spend, so my mom and I went over to check it out.
And, believe it or not, they were having a sale on DVDs! Buy 2, get 1 free! It seemed too good to be true!
Right.
They failed to mention that their DVDs are ridiculously overpriced, so you actually buying not only 1, but 2 DVDs would be pretty much impossible.
"As You Like it"? $26!!!!!
!!!!!!!!
I could find the exact same movie at Walmart for $15!!!!
"Enchanted"?? $20!!!!!
"Rent"? Not in stock.
AAaaaaaaaaaaaargh.
The final straw was accidentally setting off the alarm by carrying unbought books into the music section.
I just about started crying, but I opted for a screaming fit instead.
Right. A screaming fit. In the middle of Barnes & Noble.
I think I freaked the guy out. He kept saying, "It's okay! Chill out! Don't worry! It's going to be okay!"
But I bought 2 books I'm actually pretty excited about, so all's well that ends well?
The snooty book customers think otherwise.
Whatever. Get back to your overpriced lattes, suckers.

Baby, we're not buying

It seems that just when I think everything is good and I've got it all figured out, Ben points out something I've done wrong.
Not that he means to.
But he often knows what he's talking about...more so than I do.
And apparently I can't share my feelings with anyone without crying.
Woo, estrogen!!
No wonder my dad freaks out at me a lot.
Yeah.
"So Close" by John McLaughlin is my favorite song right now. It's adorable...and driving me crazy.
My favorite part of "Enchanted" is when Patrick Dempsey starts singing that song to Amy Adams, and she starts crying.
And then Idina Menzel and James Marsden cut in.
The sermon was so good today. It was about Hannah and her problems conceiving, and how much Elkanah loved her.
And Pastor Barry actually made it possible for us to feel sorry for the other wife, who was so mean to Hannah.
I mean, you would be mean to her, too, if your husband didn't love you.
Not to excuse it, or anything.
And then Hannah's desire for a son was a God-given desire...but he'd closed her wound and was waiting for his timing.
Then, when she gave up her first born, he blessed her 5 times over, with 5 more kids she hadn't even expected.
The people behind me had a 4-year-old daughter and they started crying.
And then they sang some really good songs. I love Sundays.

We only got 4 minutes to save the world!

Dang it.
Now not only can I not watch "The Lord of the Rings" due to major suckage, I've lost yet another movie series to the depths: "Harry Potter".
Daniel Radcliffe can't act worth CRAP. He's TERRIBLE.
And Emma Watson's idea of "emoting" is yelling a lot.
Last time I checked, Hermione was smart.
And she and Rupert Grint have NO chemistry whatsoever.
The entire time, she's throwing herself at Harry, while Ron blubbers about, going, "Bloody hell, bloody hell."
Ugh.
We're watching "The Goblet of Fire" in French.
Those dragons are positively terrifying!!
Yes, Daniel, I'm completely scared of those computer generated leviathans.

Life needs an auto-adjustment button

My monitor's still fuzzy.
Good pizza today, unlike yesterday. And ice cream sundaes, courtesy of Soren.
Pepperoni: a good omen.
When you're sitting in history taking notes on Hinduism and Buddhism and you hear screaming and cheering coming from the history class next door, it makes you feel lonely inside.
I have such weird/amazing friends.
Alexis is drawing tiny portraits of everyone in her planner.
Mrs. Williams did NOT want to give us the donuts.
So Sarah bought strawberry Hi-Chews.
So much better than Green Apple.
Or the Big Apple.
Or tart apples.
But not apple pie.
The holiday baking cookbook is so tempting...AND expensive.
Only gourmet ingredients in their kitchen.
In OUR kitchen, we bake cake from a BOX!
"Le Fils de Requin" was sort of weird...with an offbeat ending. I sort of understood what she was getting at.
Mr. Anspach asked which brother, Martin or Simon, would be prefer to be with.
You know, if we HAD to choose on or the other.
It was a tough pick. Martin was essentially "nicer", and he was pretty deep, philosophical, and sensitive and whatnot, but his favorite book was "The songs of Maldoror", which is about a man is who is completely evil, hates God, and kills babies.
Why would I want to spend time with a psycho who ENJOYED crap like that?
But the other brother, Simon, has anger issues, and doesn't really emotionally connect with stuff. While Martin's all deep and talks about angels and stuff, Simon doesn't realy...get it. Anything. And he sort of assaults Martin's girlfriend.
So it was a messed up movie.

Another metaphor gone horribly wrong

Yes, the Eye of Sauron was actually an EYE, but it was also a metaphor of his supreme evil omnipotence.
Sauron himself was NOT a giant ball of flame. Why would you want to pair yourself up with an overlarge body part? And how does an eye control the minds of Orcs and wizards alike? Doesn't make sense.
Curse you, Peter Jackson.
No wonder they wouldn't let you make "The Hobbit".
You'll see...or you'll pack!
My Thanksgiving wasn't bad. The turkey was great and there was much whipped cream. My great-uncle made a ginormous peanut butter pie, but wouldn't eat any.
My siblings and I are always going to be responsible for child care, which sucks, but whatever.
It's not like I don't like taking care of my cousins; it just seems unfair that none of the other older cousins have had this same responsibility. And now the great-grandkids are coming in droves and we'll probably have to take care of them, too.
It'll be like a little baby menagerie.
Actually, so far, there's only one great-grandkid, and we never see him.
William Sleator, I despise thee.
Award-winning author, my foot.

Proof that welfare is a bad idea

Aaaaargh. I hate my friends' parents SOOOO much. Or rather, parent. Two of my good friends have PSYCHO single moms and they're complete hormonal b*tches.
We were all set to go the movies and my friend's mom was like, "Oh yeah, I forgot, you can't go."
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!
Apparently crushing people's dreams is a favorite pasttime of hers?
Ugh.
She's lucky she didn't go, though. "Twilight" was terrible.
Terrible in a relatively entertaining way, but still terrible.
Jacob was Sharkboy in "Sharkboy and LavaGirl".
Edward was Cedric Diggory in "The Goblet of Fire".
Everything was weird and wet and lame, just like Washington itself.
Mike Newton was adorable and freckly.
Emmett was BEAUTIFUL.
His girlfriend was creepy.
Alice is just as controlling as Edward.
Jasper's creepy.
Heh heh. Charlie.
Ugh. Psycho single moms.
And they complain so. "You don't do this. You're doing this wrong."
Um, maybe, if you got off your butt and did it YOURSELF, it would get done "right".

You can't have a Sensor doing this job.

I love "The Lord of the Rings", I really do, and I've started watching the films one part at a time (as of last night).
They're actually very well done, and it was a huge undertaking and no one could have done it perfectly, but there are some things that I take serious issue with.
The acting and casting is great for the most part, except regarding Sam and Frodo. Last time I checked, Frodo wasn't a girl. Elijah Woods is one of the wimpiest, most effeminate actors they could have chosen. Frodo, in the book, was a bit wimpy once the power of the Ring grew stronger, but that had a lot to do with his age, not because he was a grade-A wimp. And Sean Astin is either yelling or crying in every scene.
A lot of stuff from the book was left out of the movie. Some of it wasn't exactly necessary for the plot to make sense (Tom Bombadil, Eowyn and Farimir, etc.), but when they cut out the Reckoning of the Shire, I started bawling my eyes out.
And if you're going to leave out stuff, you're not allowed to CHANGE or ADD stuff.
Several important examples:
Exhibit A: Theoden was NOT possessed by Saruman! He'd been lied to by Wormtongue and deluded into thinking the wrong thing, but he wasn't literally "possessed". Way to get this movie banned by Christian groups, Peter Jackson. Well, it probably wasn't banned by Christian groups (unlike Harry Potter), but you can bet Plugged In had a lot to say about it.
Exhibit B: I didn't mind this part so much, and "The Two Towers" didn't have a LOT of usable plot material, but the whole "Oh no, Aragorn is dead"? Thanks, Peter, it added tension, but you could have instead included the gigantic Warg fight on top of the mountain from the Fellowship instead. Because OF COURSE ARAGORN ISN'T GOING TO DIE IN THE SECOND MOVIE!
Exhibit C: I sort of understand this one better after reading a little bit about it, but they made Farimir out to be sort of a jerk, when he wasn't. And he shouldn't have taken them to Osgiliath. But, then again, Peter Jackson didn't really have much to do after deciding to save Shelob for the third movie. It just put sort of a negative light on Farimir, though he was redeemed and you could start feeling sorry for him again in the third movie.
Exhibit D: The moving death of Haldir. It confuses the little ones.

And that's about it. Surprisingly, "The Two Towers" might just be my favorite of the movies (not of the books, though). Liv Tyler kind of grosses me out, though - "The Fellowship of the Ring" is a close second.